Everybody's Free to Shop Kittens by Spaz Lurpak
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of 2010

Shop kittens

If I could offer you only one tip for teh B3ta, kittens would be it.

The long term funnez of kittens have been proved on Lolcats whereas the rest of my advice is no more relevant than random article on Wikipedia.
I will dispense my bollocks.

Enjoy the lulz and skillz of your posts; oh nevermind; you will not understand the lulz and skillz of your posts until they have bumped.
But trust me, in 6 months you'll look back at your posts and recall what the spluttering fuck you were thinking trying to shop Boris Johnson in the bath wearing horseshit for a wig.

You are not as shit as you imagine.

Don't worry about the replies; or worry, but know clicking replies is as effective as trying to mask fur using a laptop touchpad.
The real errors in your pics are apt to be things that seemed far funnier in your head;
the kind that inspire you at 2pm on some idle Wednesday.

Do one thing everyday full of seams.

Memes

Don't be threadjacking a talented artist, don't put up with people who post your idea first.

TOAP

Don't waste your time on the detail;
sometimes it's easy, sometimes it frustrates.
The week is short, and in the end, it'll be too late to post.

Remember the clicks you receive, forget the flames; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old artwork, delete all your old source pics.

Khaaaaaaan!

Don't feel bad if you don't know how to approach this week's challenge.
Some artistic people I know couldn't think of anything by Saturday teatime at least.
Some of the most talented people don't post by Tuesday

Shop lots of freebase pics.

Be kind to the mods, you'll miss your account if closed.

Maybe you'll win, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll make frontpage, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll skip this challenge, maybe you'll get the top spot with an anim of Tom Cruise on a magic carpet.
What ever you do, don't click your own posts either;
your skills are half decent, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy the B3ta, read it every day if you can, don't be afraid of the boards, or what other people post on it;
it's the greatest website you'll ever read.

Draw, even if you have nothing to do it with but MS Paint, for example.

Read the FAQ, even if you don't agree with it.
Do NOT read HappyToast's profile, it will only make you feel worthless.

Get to know the memes, you never know when you'll want a quick and dirty

Always read the newsletter;
they have the best links to Youtube and the archive will provide amusement for when you're bored in the office.

Understand that B3tards come and go, but for the precious few you'll appreciate.
Work hard to hide the seams in your piccies and anims because the more you feather, the less chance that any outlines will make someone's head look like it's glowing.

Post on /board once, but leave before you get cosy; post on /talk once, but leave before it makes you bitter.

Tubso.

Accept certain optimisation problems;
bit-rates are low, artefacts will be visible, you too will lose detail;
and when you do you'll fantasize that if you were charge the limit would be more, animations would last ages and /board would support quicktime and mpegs.

But not Realplayer.

Don't expect anyone at all to reply.
Maybe you have a few fans, maybe you have plenty of friends, but you never know when they might find someone far better.

Don't post stuff that's work unfriendly, or by the time you refresh, you will be naughty stepped.

Be careful which comments you give, but, please try to ration the woos and yays.
Pea roasts should only be in the reply;
just because it is a way of digging out stuff from your archive, adding big eyes, sticking text in the corner and claiming it's something new and fabulous.

But trust me on the kittens
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 24 May 2010, 12:30, 5 replies)

Everybody's Free to Shop Kittens by Spaz Lurpak
Moved it from the reply.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 24 May 2010, 12:30, closed)

Kitty click worthyness
FTW -well done sir!
(twiceydrinker hmmm is it pint time?, Mon 24 May 2010, 13:28, closed)

when posting on qotw
remember to put your answer in a reply

because it's not irritating at all
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 24 May 2010, 15:05, closed)

Large blocks of text
tends to put people off. Put it in the reply, then people see the post has a reply, and are likely to take notice and read it.

Edit: Actually, you have a point.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 24 May 2010, 15:34, closed)

*click*
sage advice there, sage advice. *nods knowingly*, and have a Yay for awesomeness. Yay.
( Sunburn Go on.... It's character building!, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:58, closed)

Thanks Mr. Vonnegut
and don't forget the sunscreen.
(grundig Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!, Tue 25 May 2010, 19:04, closed)

Very few answers
Have made me smile as much as yours has. Have a click of pure happiness
( pixel_fucker is going to need a bigger brush, Wed 26 May 2010, 23:27, closed)