The Chat Up Line Oscars
Over the years I've been both on the receiving end of requests to go out with someone and I've also done my fair share of pursuing the object of my affections.

Chaps don't despair at how cringeworthy or crap your approaches are…even the worst ones sometimes work.

So here in full Chickenlady Through The Ages Style here are my Dating Oscars


For the Worst Ever Chat Up Line

A drunken sixteen year old lad by the name of Mark who simply shoved his tongue down my throat at a party, no 'hello, what's your name' none of that at all.

I dated him for just under a year



For the Best Chat Up Line Combined with Costume

A drunken soldier by the name of Andy who was dressed as a Roman - his toga made from a bed sheet and his 'olive wreath' around his head made from a passing hazel bush.

"Fancy coming to an orgy?"

I dated him for two weeks - he wasn't lying about the orgy



For the Most Unpleasant Chat Up Line

A drunken student in the SU bar,

"Can I shit in your handbag?"

Ignored him




For The Cheekiest Chat Up Line

A complete stranger,

"I've got naked photos of you"


A brief fling and a short friendship



For The Most Honest Chat Up Line

He had already succeeded in asking me out to dinner - before we went he had followed up my acceptance by phoning me to confirm that I was still on for the meal - a nice touch.

We ate our meal in a nice pub, he refused to allow me to buy even a drink - nice but I also felt a little creeped out by this - I'm used to paying my way or at least buying a drink.

On the journey home he came out with the line that clinched it….

"I'm not up for playing Happy Families. Your place or mine?"

A brief fling involving lots and lots of meaningless but very athletic sex and an enduring friendship


For The Most Rural Chat Up Line

In a bar, said by a fit and healthy looking outdoor type, "I've got my own tractor you know."

Married, produced children with, split up with - he was lying - the tractor wasn't his own, it was his dad's and he loves that more than anything else in the entire world



For The Sneakiest and Most Manipulative Chat Up Line

Car Share to a party?

We'd better meet up first to make sure we get on, nothing worse than sharing a car for hours with someone you can't stand. Visit to an art gallery, trip to a pub, all good. Time to say goodbye, "See you next month then for the party!"

Ten minutes later….

Phone goes,

"Erm…I've missed my last train."
"Me too"
"I know, let's get a hotel room!"

Just coming up to nine months…...Oh, and I'm the recipient of that last Oscar - he didn't have any idea of what he was walking into.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 16:15, 7 replies)

Now I'm sure...
...that last one is familiar somehow.

He's a lucky chap.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 29 Aug 2008, 16:19, closed)

Damn those
sneaky car sharing bastards. They'll get you every time. Especially if they appear to be former Israeli secret service.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 16:21, closed)

O noes!
PJM! You got pwn3d! She like totally conned you!

...waitaminute...

Lucky goddam bastard...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 29 Aug 2008, 16:39, closed)

@TRL
He might just have been intimidated actually, you should see the size of chickenlady's forearms.

And the way she cracks nuts is pretty impressive too.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 16:50, closed)

@ Al
Actually, there's more than a bit of truth in that....my wrists are thicker than his.

Suffice to say I've never had any problems down the pub.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 16:54, closed)

And it was my party.....*sniffs*
I'm going to cry again.....I think I'm going through the change.
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 19:20, closed)

Tractors...
The wedding I attended on Saturday was a very local affair. The groom and best man were not used to wearing formal suits for so long.

So, at the reception, they changed into matching John Deere t-shirts bearing the legend:
Save a Horse
Ride a Tractor

Classy affair.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 13:45, closed)