Menage a trois
A few years ago I was living in South America in a student hostel. I was the only non-American there and seemed to be getting some interest from young American ladies due to my accent.

Brilliantly I failed to really notice or act on this as I was pretty much permanantly drunk.

One day I felt awful... I had been out the night before with some friends, got horribly drunk on imported guinness and bad Paraguayan whisky (is there good Paraguayan whisky?), drunkenly attempted to talk to a few Argentine girls and been told to fuck off. In summation, I felt like a group of elephants with jackhammers were trying to burrow through my skull.

The Americans wanted to go out that night. I declined, pointing out that I still couldn't see properly and that I felt like I would perform the Full Body Orifice Chorus if any strenuous movement (such as dancing) was involved.

They exited, post haste, and I reclined in my bed sipping tea and trying to read. I fell asleep.

4am the Americans crash back in. One of the girls, not the best looking, or the nicest, crashes into my room with a gay guy and they both climb into my bed.

This was an odd situation. On on side I have a gay Korean American lamenting how he can't get a guy, and on the other side I have a young lady licking my ear and grabbing *whatever* she can.

So, a dilemma. How to get rid of the drunk gay guy. I tried for ages. I told him to go to bed. I told him to fuck off. I told him that the girl was trying to have sex with me and if he didn't want to witness it then he should leave. Finally, after an hour or so, he left. The girl then passed out.

We ended up going out for just under three months. She was odd... her conception of dirty talk during sexy time was to talk about the need for reform of American Labour Laws. There's nothing better than a post coital monologue on what Union somebody wants to work for.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:55, Reply)