Turd on a twig?
I would like to begin by expressing my deepest regret with regards to my actions. I am normally a very conscientious dog owner and pick up all of his public dog poops.

But…

One day I forgot dog poop bags on my daily dog walking journey. I did attempt to will the poor dog into keeping his bottom hole shut, but nature took over and he began to do the shit shuffle. Oh dear, thought I. I paused next to the pile for a lengthy period, waiting for a fellow dog walker to meander past and take pity. I had no such luck, so I hatched a plan. I got a very long stick and decided that I was going to flick the poo into the river. Brilliant! It was so magnificent and ridiculous, sending turds shooting into the (already extraordinarily polluted) river that I started guffawing. I was so full of laughter that I didn’t notice a) the group of (presumably) tourists walking towards me and b) that I was essentially wielding shit on a stick.

The looks on the poor souls’ faces! I bet when they booked their trip to Oxford, they figured on beautiful iconic buildings and maybe doing a literary tour. They didn’t bargain on a mad hysterical woman waving around a turd on a twig.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 12:38, 2 replies)

classic
you must have looked insane
(scotsbloke, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:19, closed)

i thought the subject said wig on a turd....
the story was very different to my preconceptions
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 14:55, closed)