Guilty Pleasures, part 2It's been a while since we last asked this question and CaptainFellatioNelson's confession that he likes "to fart under the duvet, creep in and see how long I can last only on the fart air contained within" reminded us just how good it was last time.
What are the little things you do for fun when nobody else is around?
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chthonic, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 11:48)
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allah akbar etcI am a closet mussulman. About once a month, I put on a large theatrical beard and don an authentic djellaba to attend my local mosque. I wear some dark foundation and practise some set phrases like "Allah akbar" ('Allah is great'), "In sha'Allah" ('by the grace of Allah') and "Uluululululululululu jihad ib Amerika!" (don't know what this means, but it really gets them going down the mosque).
I don't really know the protocols, but I just follow what everyone else is doing - bow when they bow, kneel when they do etc. It's a lot of fun and they usually have some free curry to give away afterwards. The muslim girls are hot, and I always make sure to wear a cucumber under my robes. It makes them laugh.
I also go to local Sikh temple occasionally in my theatrical turban. They do some nice sandwiches and they don't seem to mind that I have no connection with their culture or religion. I just wanted an opportunity to wear the turban, and it seemed too good to miss. It's a pretty flashy turban fashioned from gold lurex and with a peacock feather
The local Jews are less forgiving. When I turned up at the synagogue dressed like Fagin from Oliver Twist, they took offence and gave me a thrashing. So much for God's chosen people, eh? Jesus wouldn't have behaved like that - he would have offered me some orange squash and some bagels or something. I asked them if it was true they were behind 911 and you've never seen such humourless expressions.
I seldom go to the evangelical church on the corner. They're a funny bunch, perpetually falling down and speaking in tongues. I went there directly from the pub once, and I was so incoherent and unco-ordinated from drink that they thought I was the Second Coming and plied me with heartfelt praise and prayer. I took the opportunity to eat a selection of comestibles they'd set out for Harvest festival.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2008, 10:33, 1 reply)
You mean...you ate the one tin of sweetcorn that was there? You bastard!
Here's a tip for ya, to make those Muslim hotties erm... explode, so to speak, with lust, rather than laughing at you, put the cucumber AT THE FRONT.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2008, 13:35, closed)
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