When drunk
Being a drunk is one big encapsulating guilty pleasure, which includes:

1. If I collapse to the floor, I will begin to kick my feet wildly, sending me into a windmill-like spinning motion, and make "whoop whoop whoop" noises until somebody (usually a friend - passing strangers will be too scared to approach) helps me back up.

2. Stealing roadsigns. I know, not original, but do you name your's, and have ceremonies when you let them "back into the wild"?

3. Texting old ex-girlfriends. It always provides a wealth of amusement when I wake up in the morning and look back over my sent messages/inbox.

4. Claiming to go to the toilet, and disappearnig for hours on end. I usually wake up in the morning in bed, unable to remember where I went or what happened. My friends never know where I've been either. Adds that little bit of mystery to life...

5. Taking great offense at lighthearted jokes made at my expense. It helps if to throw in a "my mum died of cancer last night" while remaining stone-faced.

6. Dropping pennies into my own pints.

7. Picking up my guitar and improvising horribly offensive jokes, usually quoting any number of sickipedia jokes in amongst my own sexist/racist/ageist/tory lyrics.

8. Writing long, rambling letters to the Prime Minister, and leaving them on the "to-post" pile. By the time I've woken up it's usually too late. MI5 must have quite a large folder on me by now.

9. I'm a loving-drunk. I will hug my friends. I will hug their friends. I will hug anyone we've exchanged a 'hello' with. I will hug any one who is standing close-by. I will hug bar staff. I will attempt to hug bouncers. I will hug a hoodie. I will hug you.

10. I post on b3ta. Now let me just fetch another Becks...
( Matoosh would rather like a biscuit, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 22:54, 2 replies)

You must be a student.
Thanks for reminding me why I never became one.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 9:13, closed)

Have a click
For having a ceremony releasing road signs back into the wild!


And, oh shush you up above
(Adamish Time of death, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 9:45, closed)