when i was a baby swipe
of about 5 or 6, my brother and i had to go to a childminder's for about half an hour before school and an hour or so after school. her children hated us, their tv only played videos (and they only had "digby: the biggest dog in the world" and "dumbo" on video. i swear to god i could still quote those two shit films verbatim). we hated it.

i was a very good little girl at the time, and never did anything wrong. one morning, though, i couldn't resist the temptation to use my new skipping rope in the lounge. where i had specifically been forbidden to go, never mind to skip.

with a neat crack, the pink rope sailed through the air and guillotined the head clean off a china shepherdess who was pouting on the fireplace. i was horrified. and terrified. and scared.

i legged it to school where i spent literally the whole day dreading being caught. every time i relaxed, i saw the jagged white truncated neck of the decapitated statue and it made me feel sick.

when i got back there that evening, after dragging a 2 min walk into a 20 min trudge, a true miracle had happened. the shepherdess had regrown her head!! i couldn't believe it. i thought angels or fairies must have done it. so i said nothing. i still felt bad for about three days, however.

but having the tact of a rutting fire engine, even then, a few days later i couldn't resist poking it in front of the childminder's daughter. "the head is loose," i said experimentally.

"oh that," rebecca said disdainfully. "it broke off years ago. mum just keeps propping it back on..."

gah.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Sep 2007, 17:10, Reply)