Bloody Yanks
I was sent on an 'around the world' business trip, firstly flying from Manchester to Houston for brush up training, then on to Los Angeles before catching a connecting flight to Sydney.

The trip was "THE MOST IMPORTANT TRIP OF MY LIFE" ..so don't fuck this up, like you usually do, you fuckwit..no pressure or anything. Not. Was repeating over and over in my head - especially as the company had forked out so much cash on booking my flights.

So after a 9 hour flight, I get to Houston, pick up my hire car, do the training.. This is a piece of cake..but don't fuck up.. ok I won't, just relax, I know you've never done this before.. just whatever you do.. don't fuck up and miss a flight.

Catch flight from Houston to LA. No problem.

Body is starting to feel weird..like I've had alot to drink. I'm tired stressed.. oh AND NOBODY FUCKING TOLD ME LA HAS 7 TERMINALS. Each terminal being the size of a small country..and I have to find my connecting flight!

I manage to procure some abrupt but helpful advice and make my way to the departure queue by the metal detectors.

I have my "itinerary" so I know what time my next flight is, but luckily for me...I don't wear a watch. So I ask the Yank in front of me what the time is..

"Sure thing Buddy..What time's your flight"?

What a bloody nice bloke I thought as I relay the info from my itinerary..

"Man ! Your flight leaves in 10 minutes".

Panic sets in. Cue the voice in my head.. I TOLD YOU, YOU WOULD FUCK UP!! ONLY A FUCKING IDIOT WOULD MISS HIS FLIGHT. WHAT A DUMB FUCK.

"SHIT..you've got to let me past" I say desperately.

Laughing, the Yank reveals I have at least an hour before my flight.

Wanker.

Oh how I laughed in my head as I informed the airport staff that Mr.Jokey had a bomb in his bag.
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Fri 22 Aug 2008, 16:38, 5 replies)

Think i've spotted why u fuck up
An itinery with times on and no method of telling the time, hmmm. Now maybe, just maybe these are the actions of somebody who fucks up. I bet every other fuck up has a similar fatal flaw in it too.
I'd like to think my advice commands a fee but i'll just settle for the imaginative 'fuck off' you're going to respond with.
(Discreditor wants the dream to come true, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 16:53, closed)

@ Mr ^Gnarly up there (Discreditor )
Blimey fella, what is your problem? This isn't quite the pace for that attitude my good man.
( The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 17:32, closed)

Chutney...
Bring on term time, eh?

*click* cos you made me laugh =o]
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 17:57, closed)

Mr Discreditor
You see, the thing is, HE DIDN'T REALLY FUCK UP!

The other person in the story played a PRACTICAL JOKE on him, by telling him an untruth.

Geddit?
( Ghoti Fingers, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 18:06, closed)

ah but
the fuck up is not having anything available to tell the time with, not the fact that he'd lost time which he hadn't, geddit.
Was meant as a helpful comment to someone who messes up but never mind.
(Discreditor wants the dream to come true, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 19:40, closed)