Mock auctions
I used to take a train into London for something to do at the weekends and my route would often be Paddington, through the park, up Oxford Street, Picadilly and back out. As such I would often pass by that bane of tourists on Oxford Street - the mock auction.

My first time I noticed it I was lured by signs advertising cheap electronics and some guy was out front talking of the amazing bargains within. The store was empty except for a raised stage filled with amazing items for "sale". Soon the guy at the front would move back a bit as the crowd grew and then he would prattle some more and move back the crowd grew until the store filled. Then the guy disappeared and an "auctioneer" would take over.

The auctioneer stands behind the sagging table of items with a gavel. He engages in extremely fast cockney wanker banter, engaging the crowd by asking where they're from, telling them of the bargains to be had, how they fell off a back of a lorry etc. The auctioneer starts selling by offering items for a quid or two. Helper goons would bag up seemingly impressive selections of items - alarm clocks, toasters, walkmen for a quid and hand them out in binbags. As you can imagine the crowd starts to get a bit frenzied at this point what with the bargains flying past.

So after 5 or 6 lots, the man asks if anyone is prepared to take a gamble for the unheard of price of £5 for "what's on his mind". Some people raise their hands and somebody, possibly a shill is rewarded with portable TVs, discman, gameboys and god knows what all for the £5.

The man asks again who would like to pay £5 for a mystery item. At this point the crowd goes understandably mental. He'll string the crowd along by saying whoever raises their hand when he bangs the gavel will get it. After a few bangs of the gavel with everyone raising their hands, the man says he can't figure out who was first so he sends the goons out to collect fivers and distribute random numbers. So everyone draws a number and its time to reveal what we got for our £5. The first couple (again probably shills) get similar rewards as the first time and the rest get a cheap calculator that would look overpriced if you saw a pack of 3 for sale for a quid.

Now everyone is pissed off but to placate them, the man says okay you just got a calculator but you can use that to bid and people who don't raise their calculators are not eligible for the next round.

And so it repeats. A shill gets a few amazing bargains for £30 and then the guy starts selling the most unimaginable load of old shit you've ever seen. He whips out a camera shaped like an SLR but looks like it's just a cheap 35mm snapper, a faux leather briefcase, a boogie box and some other junk, all for £30 a piece. He continues the spiele that these are all bargains and amazingly probably 1/3 of the original crowd are still bidding to buy this stuff!

It doesn't stop there though because anyone who bought crap in the last round is entitled to bid in the round after for even more amazing junk at even higher prices. Unfortunately I haven't stuck around much more than that but I can imagine some poor bastard right at the end being escorted to a cash machine to buy something not worth 1/10th the price.

Yes I was scammed but fortunately the scam stopped with me when I was robbed of £5. I was still very angry to be duped though. I still used to go back to the mock auctions afterwards because it was just so fascinating. I discovered they genuinely did hand out bags for the £1 / £2 starter items. Mostly it was junk (one time I got a toaster which had burnt cheese on it so god knows where it came from). But occasionally you got some stuff of interest. I still have a fairly retro looking Soviet era radio made of bakelite which I fancy might be worth £5 some day. I once tried to warn a few people was a scam and got chucked out.

My days of trips to London are over but I've seen them on occasion in other places, even in Ireland. All I can say is if you see an empty store advertising ungodly bargains, do not, I repeat do not hand over money once the goons go around collecting it from everyone else.

That's the time to leave or observe the most brazen disgusting scam you can be a witness to.
(MagicMoose, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 17:23, 1 reply)

I've been in one of these too...
I was 14 at the time and didn't know any better.
I was there hoping for an iPod with my freshly earned paper round money. I was conned out of £50.

I was angry at myself and even more angry at this scam. RARRR!

Thankfully, i'm now older and wiser with my hard earned cash, never again.
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 9:06, closed)