Mrs Spimf...
like many ladies seems to need to go to the loo quite a lot - often at inopportune moments. I've lost count of the amount of movies she’s missed crucial scenes in.

A few years back, we were out boozing with friends in Edinburgh. Around 2am I realised I was suddenly so hungry I could probably have eaten something even Mrs Spimf had cooked. So, en masse, we pile into the huge McDonalds branch on Princes Street. It was rammed - every till queued 10 deep. Standing in the queue Mrs Spimf whispers the all too familiar "I need to go to the loo". No problem thinks I until the person at the front of the queue asked where the toilets were only to be told the upstairs area was closed due to staff shortages - they had those velvet rope barrier things across the stairs. On hearing this I politely made my way to the head of the queue...

"Excuse me, are you the manager?

"Erm no"

"Can you get the manager for me please"

"Erm, yeah"

Disinterested lard spattered bint in a uniform a size too small shuffles over...

"Yeah, can I help you”?

"Yes, good evening, Mr Spimf, Environmental Health"

(For added effect I flashed a Blockbuster membership card at this point)

Two things happened

1. The manager bint seemed to suddenly get a belt of electricity up her bottom

2. Mrs Spimf sighs and melts back into the crowd – she’s seen this sort of nonsense before

“I understand you are providing food and beverages for public consumption on these premises without adequate provision of toilet facilities”

“Yes, but…”

“You are aware this contravenes the Trade Practices Act, 1974”

“Erm, no”

“Well I’m afraid ignorance of the law does not provide immunity”

(Crowd gets interested at this point)

“We have two options – either you open the upstairs area where your restrooms are or I close you down with immediate effect”

I think her capacious bottom might have made a small squeak at that point.

Within minutes the upstairs area was full of drunken idiots throwing chips and rolling joints unchallenged by the few overstretched McGoons.

Mrs Spimf got to the loo.

How anyone could be so gullible as to imagine a drunken environmental health officer might pay them a visit at 2am is well beyond my McComprehension.

!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 6:49, 7 replies)

:D
Silly McGoon.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:07, closed)

spimf
you are excellent
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:35, closed)

Mr Spimf...you have balls!
.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:48, closed)

Well done Mr Spimf
Many times have I been enraged by this.

"Getting busy upstairs Wayne innit?"

"Go rope off another section of seating then!"

Cunts.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:27, closed)

Clicky
I like.

And must try the same one day, except I never go to Mc"Food" places these days. Plays hell on my colon....

Hey Ho
(Spreddum O Grrrr. That's my vicious circle, that is., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:00, closed)

Nice
A friend of mine did this once. Well, sort of, just without the charisma.

After being refused access to the McToilet, he had a fight with the manager then pissed all over the pavement outside.

Classy, I think you'll agree.
(FerretTrout be illin', Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:04, closed)

Without shadow of a doubt
Absolute genius.
(Panteneman Isn't entirely sure why he bothered on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:11, closed)