Guardian angels
So, I'm pushing 30 and although my parents' sometime overbearing nature has somewhat subsided in recent years, a new manifestation has reared - holistic healing. You see, my Mother is over-protective about our souls.

Let me explain. My Mother, a lapsed Catholic, has always had a taste for the holistic, for the irrational, for the "well, you just don't know" and blind faith schools of philosophy. With this is mind this is how a few years ago we came to host a holistic healer, complete with healing crystals, for christmas dinner.

I took an instant, furiously hostile, dislike to this nutter's presence in my house, but participation in the post-dinner healing session was mandatory. I watched with barely disguised disgust as each family member in turn was "healed" by this lycra-clad mentalist dangling a crystal on a chain above their heads, and when it was my turn there seemed to be a problem.

"Strange." said the mentalist "Very, strange"
"What... what is it?" cried my Mum, fearfully.
"Well... the thing is" said mental (or should I say charlatan), "You see - most people have two guardian angels and I'm afraid your son, well, he only has one! He must have done something *really* bad to upset one of them. His aura has a sense of evil. The remaining guardian angel has just told me that he needs to Watch. His. Step."

Stitched good and proper!

Cue many, many subsequent phone calls with enquiries as to "What had I done?", "Had my guardian angel returned?", was there "anything I needed to tell them?".

Bastard.
( rofl harris, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 13:17, 11 replies)

You have my sympathies, mate
My mum seems to be wired along the same lines. If she tries to get me to have some dodgy hippy cocksucker do my tarot reading one more time I think I might change relegion and become a fully paid up satanist, just to piss her off.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 14:05, closed)

Hmm
His name wasn't Clinton Baptiste was it?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcMZHbtQqF4
(mark schmark, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 14:29, closed)

Gosh. What did you do?
You didn't masturbate, ever, did you? Because that's a terrible sin. I hope you never used contraception either, cos that's a terrible sin, too.

But seriously, poor you. And ha ha ha!
( Crystal Magnet Like a diamond geezer, but better, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 14:52, closed)

I think it was all the kitten killing that must have done it

( rofl harris, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:12, closed)

Gosh
what a cunt that guy is. My mum has hippyish, holistic-type tendencies when she's pished - sadly however pished she might be I suspect she would still remember if I lamped her for being an over credulous gullible tit, which I have been tempted to do on several occasions. You have my clicks and my sympathy.
(berk, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:33, closed)

It's that bloody word again

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:55, closed)

Hahahahaha
My step-mother's into all that - ace stuff. She once told me my dad A never loved my mother (despite having been married for 14 years after becoming sweethearts at university several years before, and had three kids in that time), B they'd (my dad and s-m) been together forever as time didn't exist, and C that he didn't have a family any way.

Got to love hippies.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 17:04, closed)

My mum was heading dangerously close to that road.
She was into all that homeopathy nonsense.

I kept debating with her and eventually bought her Bad Science by Dr Ben Goldacre.
I don't think I've ever known her so fascinated by a book - she kept calling me up and quoting parts to me.

She's still into her herbal remedies and such, but I think she's far less wooly about the whole thing.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 18:10, closed)

wow, good tip
Going to get that book!
( rofl harris, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 8:52, closed)

"...the holistic, for the irrational, for the "well, you just don't know" and blind faith schools of philosophy"
*grinds teeth*
Nothing.
To.
Do.
With.
Philosophy.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 11:50, closed)

Dya know
When I was writing that bit I thought: "bet this annoys Enzyme"

True fact.
( rofl harris, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 13:09, closed)