I think im pretty much condemned to hell.....!
Im attempting to think of the worse!

Probably the worst was a few years ago I became homeless and a good friend by the name of 'John' took me in, he was supposed to be a good christian fellow raised by good christian people, I never saw any evidence of this but the occassional preaching as are many christians (Not all) complete hypocrites.

Now when I say he took me in we shared a small room in a small shared house, we became good mates discussing things such as The Goonies, back to the future and drums as many a thing and growing 2 week old milk into some wierd half cream half water mix until it eventually popped.

So after a few months or so (Im more the punk variety and he's more the heavy metal) He announced we should go to a Rock festival by the name of "Soul Survivor" with his accurate description it was a religious rock festival, but rock none the less with a few christian bands (their are some gooduns about) so i thought fuck it! why not, a few weeks away surrounded in heavy drink, a few spliffs and good music, I trusted him all too arrange it.

So the big day comes, we pack our shit up and get going. The first suspicious thing I notice is everyone seems to be prepubescent which felt wrong in itself (Im 24 BTW) so we set up and decided to get some kip.

I was awoken a few hours later with "Adam were going to worship" your coming with!! They built a big fucking tent were people group together to talk about god.

"Nay" says I, I wanna wank and go back to sleep, so off i drifted. This happened again non stop for 3 days,

They musta loved Mass and worship more than I love Chocolate cake smeared on a hookers ass because it was atleast 8 times a day.

this along with with other monstrosities such as;

9 Oclock bed time,

Stay in your allocated zones for the duration of the evening.

No alcohol....Ever.

and no smoking!!! ANYWHERE!

And too top it off, theirs was only 2 fucking bands.

So this led to a sort of School yard rebeling, After 3 days I went abit insane.

Started breaking into the refreshment tent to steal cakes and pies....
(Always food first, sin second)

Scaled the bathrooms whilst hopped on Disco biscuits and gave an anti-semetic speech.

Stole various Gazebos from other camps to construct a giant super Gazebo.

Filled a strangers tent with various stray cats wondering around the site.

go chased 4 times by christian festival security.. (Who all looked like sex offenders)

Detained by being put in a fake Police Cell (Made of crates and road barriers) for two hours for staying up past 12am.

walked around all the time in nothing but white Y-FRONTS.

knocked off and stole securities bicycles..

and smuggled in absynth and accidently set fire to my arm.

Now it may sound like I was being a prick, but this is what happens when you are surrounded by 9 - 12 years olds 24/7 with a 9 oclock bedtime and fanatical christians WHO LIED TOO YOU, JUST SO THEY CAN "SAVE YOUR SOUL".

Ive probably inadvenrtantly mentally scarred a whole generation of christian children.

luckily I was removed before setting fire the the whole vicinity.

thats why I believe im set for hell.
(zenzeypher, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 14:11, 8 replies)

brilliant!
I know a couple of people who've been to SoulSuvivour and I think I drove past the festival back in the summer.
How did you not get chucked out earlier?!
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 14:30, closed)

They
Didn't catch me for awhile, they had a two warning system.
(zenzeypher, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 16:56, closed)

try harder next time
probably much better for your sanity, and ultimately for the world.
(herefromthere, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 14:49, closed)

try harder
to get kicked out that is, sounds like fun. When I was in high school some of the lads took bets on how long it would take for one of them to get thrown out. They unfortunately didn't have access to stray cats or bicycles though.
(herefromthere, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 14:51, closed)

Surely John is also set hellwards
for having so deliberately deceived you in the first place! Lying is, after all, sinful.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 16:07, closed)

If im going down
make no mistake, im taking that fucker with me!!
(zenzeypher, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 16:56, closed)

I feel your pain.
I got dragged to something similar by the (thankfully fully lapsed) missus

Audacious or something?
(Fleximus Rex briefly gave up lurking on, Sat 13 Dec 2008, 4:39, closed)

ah yes
I had friends like this too. Luckily the worst they did to me was insist on me going to a youth group event at their church, which turned out to be worth it for the giggles I got when a bunch of 13ish y.o. boys ran in, picked up the cross from the altar and ran away with it. It was even more amusing because everyone just sat there and watched them do it. It seemed that it had never occurred to these people that someone would do something like that. It took at least 5 minutes before someone piped up with "uh... I don't think they're coming back, should we go look for them?"
That event only lasted a few hours, if I'd been made to sit through a few days I'd have gone crazy too. There would've been fire and crying children, I'm sure of that much.
(xanthine, Sat 13 Dec 2008, 4:40, closed)