Take that priest!
What with not believing in fairytales and all, I know that no-one, including myself, is going to hell. But I can fully appreciate the kind of behaviour that would piss off a supreme deity, much like the behaviour in the following story featuring my mate, D.

It was a wintery December evening, and to stave off the cold and boredom, D was out drinking with a few people. The night bore on, more drink was consumed, last orders were called and eventually they began the journey home.

En route home there is a church, and ordinarily it wouldn't be occupied at such an hour, but then again, it wouldn't ordinarily be midnight mass either.

It is unclear at this stage whose idea it was to enter the church, even more unclear as to who suggested a quick foot race around the church and it's occupants. Yet further unclear is who managed to knock over the font, and the most unclear of all, is who challenged the priest to a fight. Yes, that's right, one of these heathens was actually squaring up to a priest. However, when said priest actually seemed keen on giving out a little catholic justice, the group realised their error and made for a hasty retreat.

And retreat they did, followed not too closely by the "he can run fast for an old fella" priest. This being a wintery night, there was ice on the ground, and in particular a few patches between our heroes and the church gates. It seem's that although the priest was fairly light on his feet, he wasn't paying much attention to the ground, so whilst D et al managed to jump the patch and carry on running, the priest didn't. In fact, the priest hit the ice, slipped over, and hit the ground "like a sack of shit".

So to recap, a group of men enter a church, hare around it like a bunch of twats, knock over a font, challenge a priest to a fight and then leg it. Already fairly hellbound, my mate ends this particular story by, when seeing the priests predicament, shouting after him "WHERE'S YOUR GOD NOW?!".
(ShiftyBastard won the World Cup on World Soccer Champs 2010!, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 18:21, Reply)