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This is a question I'm going to Hell...

...because I said the Lord's Prayer backwards at a funeral to summon up the Goat of Mendes, Freddie Woo tells us. Tell us why you're doomed.

Thanks to Kaol for the suggestion

(, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 13:09)
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A repressed story from my childhood.....
I'd totally forgotten about this incident when I was younger. I never told anyone it, until now.....

I was 8 years old when it was the summer of 1990. It was bright, sunny and not a cloud in the sky. I figured it was too good to spend it indoors and decided to go out for a little while. I got dressed and went outside. I was walking down a road and saw a open manhole cover. I peered in and saw complete darkness. My instincts told me to carry on walking but my heart was telling me to go inside. I listened to my heart.

I climbed down the ladder and into the sewer. It smelt. It was cold, dank and uninviting. I was going through a "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" phase and I remember thinking that the sewers aren't as glamorous as the ones in the TV show. Nevertheless, I carried on walking down the sewer. It was pretty much like it was in the movies. Dark, that slow dripping in the background and the eerie quietness. All you could hear was the gentle sloshing of my tiny feet in the effluent stream.

It was like a maze, I didn't know where I was. Then, I turned down a path and walked until I hit a brick wall. It was "dead end". I use inverted commas there, because I didn't realise how apt those words were going to be.

As I was facing the brick wall, in almost near darkness, a quietness descended over the sewer. You couldn't hear a thing. Then, I heard, over my shoulder, a faint breathing. It wasn't mine.....

I was terrified. I was facing a dead end with something breathing behind me in near-total darkness. I couldn't even turn to see what was making this noise. It smelt ungodly. Like a foul aroma. It smelt of death. I was trapped and frightened. How long had this person/thing been following me?

Eventually, I stopped quietly sobbing. When I regained my composure, I decided the best course of action was to calmly turn around, walk as close to the wall as possible, thereby avoiding whatever was doing the breathing and walk calmly back to the exit.

I turned, walked and didn't look back. The breathing got fainter. Whatever it was, it didn't seem to be following me. I turned a few corners and breathed a sigh of relief. After I finished, I heard the breathing again, behind me. Only this time, it was more like gurgling, like it was getting agitated! I started to run.

I ran as quickly as I could, but no matter how fast I ran, the breathing/gurgling was never more than 2 feet behind me. It was almost as if, it COULD catch me, but wanted me to run anyway! Maybe for its own amusement? Whilst, I was running, I caught a glimspe of one of the sewer walls. There was just enough light to make out something on the wall. When I saw what it was, I nearly burst into tears again. For a brief moment, I saw a bloodstained, handprint on the wall!

I was starting to get tired and thought I was going to die in that sewer at the hands of some Godforsaken monster, when I saw bright sunlight. You see, I never replaced the manhole cover (possibly due to laziness, rather than a "Hansel and Gretel" style tracker system) so, with every kilojoule of energy I had left in body, I sprinted for the ladder to daylight.

I got to the ladder and clambered up it to the daylight. I climbed through the manhole cover and sat on the edge, with my legs dangling into the manhole. I'd made it. I looked down into the manhole, it was complete darkness....then a hand grabbed my leg! It was the monster!

Like the wall, there was enough light to see the monster's hand. It was covered in bandages....and blood! Was it HIS hand print on the wall? And was it his blood? Or someone else's.....?

He was trying to drag me back into the sewer, but I held onto the edge of the manhole trying to climb to safety. No matter how hard I tried, he kept pulling my leg. He was so strong! I was going to lose this battle. He kept pulling my leg! And pulling and pulling and pulling my leg.......

Which is exactly what I've been doing to you for the past 10 minutes!

THAT'S why I'm going to hell! Taxi.....!
(, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 8:27, 6 replies)
You arse.
That brought back a small repressed memory of my own though, also happening in the summer of 1990 aged 8 years old.

Thanks to an intriguing-looking open manhole cover in a park only 5 minutes walk from my house, I did the drain exploring thing too with a friend and got a bit lost. Thankfully we eventually found the way out. It was only later though that I discovered that these were the very same drains where Donald Neilson, the infamous 'Black Panther' held hostage and murdered a girl he'd kidnapped in the 70s. Not nice.
(, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 8:52, closed)
I assumed this when the breathing started.

(, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 9:08, closed)
Well played
Good sir. Well played indeed.
(, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 12:46, closed)
Nicely done. *click*
(, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 14:40, closed)
(, Sat 13 Dec 2008, 19:05, closed)
You, sir
are going to hell.

But nicely written. Have a click.
(, Sat 13 Dec 2008, 23:13, closed)

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