christmas eve, many years ago.
we were all at the pub in stockport, happily drinking. not wanting to end the festive festivities when the pub threw us out at midnight, we carried on carousing all the way up the road to my friend sam's house, which was about a 2 mile walk. it was freezing and wet, but we had cold beer in our hands and warm beer coats on our backs, and so we didn't really notice. we were all pretty leathered, but as always, sam was the most spectacularly leathered of all.

suddenly, sam froze. like a pointer dog, she homed in on the massive church opposite us, which was clearly in the throes of midnight mass.

"i want to go to mass!" she announced, and shot off across the a6.

we all looked at each other, suddenly feeling more sober. it was already 12:30am and clearly midnight mass was halfway through. we were not going to be popular. we headed after sam, shouting loudly after her, until we realised just how loudly the words "get your arse back here you drunken twat" ring around a graveyard. by the time we caught up with her, she was jumping up and down, trying to see through the window. as the windows were quite far above her head, anyone lucky enough to have been looking out of them would have been treated to the sight of her woolly hat bobbling in and out of sight.

giving it up as a bad job, but managing to elude capture, sam then ran round to the front of the church. she hammered on the huge wooden double doors, and then realised that she could just push them open. which she did, flinging them open with a massive clattering sound and a: "fuck me that was heavy" followed by a pointless: "ssssssh mustn't swear in church!"

the entire congregation turned around to peer at the untimely interruption that had appeared in the doorway, the vicar frozen with the heavenly host wafers suspended in mid air. everyone glared at us as we followed sam sheepishly to creep around to an empty standing space at the back of the church. how quietly can several very drunken girls in high heels on a tiled floor manage this? not at all, you may be surprised to hear. nor can they sing in tune, nor stand properly upright.





of course, 2 mins later, sam decided that she had had enough religious culture for one year and wanted to clatter out again...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:48, 4 replies)

Hehe, classic.
I almost did exactly the same thing... but it was on a saturday and luckily nobody was there... almost got me arrested for breaking into the church.

(same church aswell, i think...opposite the Kwik Fit garage?)
(LiL_Arsewipe licked your face on, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 17:19, closed)

Probably St. Georges..
..given that it's so massive, you wouldn't miss it even if you were completely trollied.
(grandmaswhiskers, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 17:59, closed)

yes, yes it was st georges
stockport's attempt to be a cathedral when it wanted to be the olympic city!

hoorah, more northern b3tans!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 18:15, closed)

Yay, and woo!
But now i'm more northern than ever since i now live in bonnie Scotland.

Aye hoots mon.

Sadly, no-one's said that to me yet...
(LiL_Arsewipe licked your face on, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 19:40, closed)