Call Centre
I work in a call centre and I pride myself on delivering the best service I can manage. As we are a good company, my fellow call centre monkeys and I are silent monitored every month, on five random telephone calls.

On my November monitoring, I scored 97% (forgot to check the packaging for a Boots order and forgot to offer another customer an order number). One of my colleagues then IMed me and asked me what my score was. When she asked what the other 3% was for, so I started to reply to her, then I stopped.

I thought to myself, "she's only 16, and game for a laugh but also a teensy bit gullible". This is a rough approximation of the IM transcript...

Me: [colleague doing the monitoring] caught me swearing at one of the customers.
16yo colleague: Really?
Me: Yup. I also told another one of them to fuck off, cut someone else off and told a third that we didn’t make the product she wanted, when we did.
16yoc: OMG.
Me: I know. I just couldn’t be bothered to help them. Feeling tired this afternoon really.
16yoc: What swear words did you use?
Me: I told the first one that they were a bit of a cunt, and said her colleagues were bitches too.
16yoc: Why?
Me: Because I felt like it. I was dragged upstairs to see HR too.
16yoc: What did they say?
Me: I got a written warning. I’m already on my last warning anyway.
16yoc: Why?
Me: I keep getting caught swearing at various customers.
16yoc: Wow.

Some time elapses then I start the IM up again.

Me: I was reading on the BBC website earlier that the word gullible is being removed from the next issue of the OED.
16yoc: Really?
Me: Yup.

More time passes.

Me: Do you really think I would score 97% if I even let one curse pass my lips on the ‘phone to a customer?
16yoc: Eh?
Me: Of course I wasn’t swearing at the customers! I just naffed up a Boots order a bit and forgot an order number!
16yoc: So none of that was true then?
Me: Of course not!
16yoc: You’re so horrible!
Me: I couldn’t resist it! You’re so easy to wind up! I tried to give you a clue with the gullible line as well! That’s an old joke to catch really gullible people out!
16yoc: I’m not talking to you anymore.

A short while later.

Me: Do you still hate me?
16yoc: No.
Me: Bless.

Ladies and gentlemen: I am going to burn in hell for this one and countless others. I can’t resist winding people up. Now get busy with the clicky!
(Sahara Desert http://www.twitter.com/thesaharadesert for swears, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 19:18, 7 replies)

I didn't really think it was that bad
And I don't think you'll go to hell for this fairy tickling offence.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 19:26, closed)

she sounds nice and malleable
any pics?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 19:37, closed)

I doubt (s)he'll go to hell for this one
...however (s)he would be going straight to hell (and probably a displinery) for taking secret pictures of his(/her) (possibly fit) colleages and posting them on b3ta.

You still should though.

(EDIT - Whoops, corrected!)
(billybobbean is still trying to make it QOTW's best of the week, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 19:47, closed)

Ahem
Could you please find out if she is generally amenable to the delights of DVDA?
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 20:52, closed)

She
I'm a woman. Clue's in the sig. ;)

Behave yourselves! I shan't be posting any pictures.
(Sahara Desert http://www.twitter.com/thesaharadesert for swears, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 10:09, closed)

bloody women!
in that case I (and at this point I urge everyone else to do the same) will not be believing this story, or indeed the existance of your colleague, until you provide the internet with photographic evidence!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 11:00, closed)

Dilemma
Um...

*looks down jumper*

I really am a woman! Honest!
(Sahara Desert http://www.twitter.com/thesaharadesert for swears, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 12:10, closed)