Hmmm, well, not strictly within the terms of the question, but...
I find it amusing nonetheless. Well, I do now. At the time it was a different matter. Devil Duck look away now...

Let us set the scene. It was my boyfriend's 17th birthday and his family were away, so he decided to have a little booze-up to celebrate. At this point we'd been together, ooh, about 5 months - things had gradually got more serious and... intimate. But we'd yet to go "all the way", so, thinks I, what better present could I give him than the privilege of popping my cherry? I turned up a couple of hours early in order to adequately provide him with his present, all went rather well, and we were very fastidious in disposing of the evidence, being in the days before I went on the pill, wrapping both the condom and the wrapper in tissue and hiding the package under the other rubbish in the kitchen bin. Suffice to say, being young, horny teenagers, we've been at it like rabbits ever since, always being careful how we disposed of the evidence lest our parents find out what we were up to. Now to the point.

I said we were always very careful. The excessive amount of tissues in my bin was explained away by my near-constant cold. However, I left the boyf to get rid of the boxes the johnnies came from, as there was no way of hiding them. Mostly he chucked them in a bush on his way home, or even a bin or skip if he was feeling environmentally-friendly. So I thought. After about two or three months of this, it's about time his room needs a clearout, so he and his mum set about giving it a good tidying. His mum goes for his bedside drawer - honestly, the mother of a teenage boy should know better - and is confronted with a drawer full to bursting of nice blue boxes labelled "Durex". Hidden treasure! We'd been shagging at least once a day for about two or three months at the time, with condoms coming in boxes of three... that's a helluva lot of boxes.

She, of course, goes absolute schitz and launches into a full-scale shouting match with him, culminating in her yelling:
"For God's sake, don't get her pregnant!". To which my boyfriend, to his eternal credit, replies along the lines of:
"Why the hell do you think the boxes are empty?".

I didn't hear about any of this until a couple of weeks after, and was absolutely mortified. It did at least explain why his mum had been a bit cold with me... I couldn't look her in the eye for months.

Length is one of many reasons we're still together.

(sorry, that was appalling)
( useful_idiot, Tue 5 Jul 2005, 20:06, Reply)