What's the most horrific thing you've seen?What is going on?
Lightguy was walking home when he saw a fox eating a cat. As he watched, it threw up on the cat and then continued eating, having doused it in its own marinade.
Only this morning, Rachelswipe saw a tramp hock up a bright green loogy, only for a pigeon to hop over on its withered stumps and peck it up joyfully.
Are these the end times? What horrible stuff have you seen recently?
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chthonic, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 10:36)
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YOU DIRTY LITTLE.... BLECHHHHChildren are more disgusting than the internet.
Offspring #1 was 3 years old and Offspring #2 was a 1 year old sproglet.
Me and Missus Hostage were snuggled up together in bed in the early hours of Sunday morning, sleeping soundly due to the several bottles of wine we had polished off the night before to celebrate our anniversary. I was woken by soft giggling noises drifting from the Offspring's bedroom. Bleary-eyed, head still spinning from grape-related shenanigans, I blinked at the bedside clock.
Four in the morning? Those kids are taking the piss!
I stagger through to their room, open the door and I'm about to whisper softly to them to go back to sleep because it's not time for normal people to be awake. The words catch in my throat as I detect a strong, meaty whiff. Missus Hostage staggers up behind me. Everything's still pitch black because the lights are off, but then she detects the same pungent odour, reaches past me into the room and flicks on the light.
I have never been greeted with such horror.
Offspring #2 sleeps in a cot. Offspring #1 has taught herself to climb into the cot, so she can play with her little brother in the morning before Mummy and Daddy Hostage drag themselves out of the fart sack. This morning, Offspring #2 has explosively shat his nappy. Offspring #1 has climbed into the cot, discovered the contents of Offspring #1's arse napkin, and devised a fun game with the aforementioned contents. Which mostly involves both Offspring eating large amounts of it, rubbing it in each other's hair, and fingerpainting every reachable surface with it. I'll never forget the sight of their fat, happy faces, streaked with dung, beaming from ear to ear because Mummy and Daddy had got up early. You could see smears of shit between the few teeth they had.
Try washing still-warm turd out of your kid's mouth and hair. At four in the morning. With a pounding hangover. And every time the kids tried to say anything to me that day, I had to scamper to the loo to vomit because of the combination of my hangover and the shit-fumes coming out of their mouths.
I wish I was making this up.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2007, 23:00, Reply)
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