The phlegm cup reminds me of my former housemate Clive (name changed to protect the guilty)
I could always tell when Clive had been in the living room because there, on the sofa, would be a Clive's arse-sized space surrounded by torn bits of paper, tissue or whatever other of rubbish he saw fit to generate. Despite us owning an old pub ashtray that was the size of a dinner plate, Clive preferred to use my candleabra, though of course he never emptied the fag ends out of it. Clive took my favourite pint glass that I'd had for years to keep by his bedside, and every morning he would cough up a wad of lungbutter to spit into it until he had, in his own words, his "own personal lava lamp". Clive used to sit too far back on the flat's only toilet, which meant quite often he'd leave a little pile of poo on the back of the seat - which he was apparently incapable of cleaning up. Clive used to collect his own piss in bottles (glass beer bottles without a cap on them) and leave them in the hallway.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 12:12, 16 replies)

Oh good. Emvee is here.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 12:16, closed)

Emvee. That's the only name you'll hear. Emvee. It means the end and the death. Emvee. I am Emvee. Emvee is all around you. Emvee is the man beside you. Emvee will gnaw on your bones. Look out! Emvee is here.

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 12:22, closed)

I was being sarcastic.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 12:29, closed)

I wasn't.

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 12:33, closed)

it's no accountant girlfriend

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 12:35, closed)

The phlegm cup reminds me of the skanky infected fannies displayed by your 'models'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 12:37, closed)

Hurrah, casual misogyny is here

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 12:40, closed)

Have you ever.. touched.. a woman?

( Harpago ¯\(°_o)/¯, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 12:44, closed)

Women don't like to be touched.
I would recommend observing them from afar.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 13:19, closed)

I think you might be generalising a bit too much from your own experience.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 13:23, closed)

You've got me there!
I'd been trying to keep my many restraining orders a secret, but I guess the cat's out of the bag, now.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 14:58, closed)