Knock, knock.
I think this one does deserve a proper recount. I'll leave it to you to decide who the Housemate from Hell is.
Lived in a shared house in a swanky 'burb. House was old but well kept. I lived in a 2 room granny flat off the laundry - it was great, I could come and go as I pleased and probably had easily double the space of the guy who had the master bedroom. And my own toilet.
Recently broken up with my gf of a few years so - footloose and fancy free and sowing all the wild oats I could.
Hooked up with a semi-regular fuck - chubby girl, 8/10 face and gorgeous tits the top half of which she didn't mind showing off to the rest of the world. Oh and she loved wearing fishnets - which is kinda my Kryptonite.

Housemate asks if he can hide his gf's birthday prezzie under my bed - so she won't find it. Yeah whatever.

Bring Fishnets home. She's flashing lots of cleavage and told me over dinner at the pub that under her short skirt she's sporting her stockings and nothing else. I had to wash my hands a few times during that meal.
We've got home and I've ripped a hole in the fishnets - a kink we both found we enjoyed and I'm happily sipping from the furry cup. I hear some housemates arrive home - vaguely remember that it's someone's birthday, but meh too busy right now. Anyway - on with the show. I've turned her over and she's bent over my bed as I go to work. I'm getting there but nowhere near the vinegar strokes.

Housemate, his gf and a couple of their friends burst through my door to come and get her birthday present. They're met by the sight of me kneeling behind Fishnets, my pants around my ankles and my hirsute arse madly pumping away into her. Bent over my bed. The bed under which housemates gf's gift is hidden. "SURPRI...." he started to shout to his gf. Oh and it was.
They exited, post haste. We tidied ourselves up and I solemnly took the gift out to waiting housemate. Fishnets bailed as quickly as she could out my back door (not a euphemism) and that was that. Had many more fun times with her but strangely she always wanted to go back to hers after that.

Tl;dr: If you live in a shared house it's always a good idea to knock on your housemate's door prior to entering.
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 23:50, 7 replies)

If you hadn't been there, what was she supposed to think the surprise was?
Sorry, wrong response. Can you pretend that I called everyone involved out as a virgin, instead?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 9:47, closed)

The birthday present.
Hidden under the bed that I had Fishnets bent over.

I'd like to think my hairy arse was surprise enough.
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 10:52, closed)

Yeah, but if you hadn't been there, the "SURPRISE!" would have just been your bed (as the present was hidden).
What would the poor girl have thought?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 12:28, closed)

I was pondering the same as Munch

(Porcupine, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:41, closed)

Expecting me to know what was going through my housemate's mind.
Next you'll be wanting me to present truthful accounts with absolutely no embellishments whatsoever!
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 22:08, closed)

Wait, I've been wanking to your story, on the assumption that it was all true.
Is nothing sacred?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 17 Mar 2015, 9:13, closed)

You wank over hidden birthday presents?

(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Wed 18 Mar 2015, 2:35, closed)