Corpulence and diet drinks
I worked at place that had a social club that was run by one of the most charming or irascible old fellahs. (Depending on the amount of the profits he had imbibed at that point in the day.)

There was a weeble of around 16 stone in accounts who turned up with her women shaped friends on a Friday lunch, and a round was ordered.
G+t`s, glasses of wine, "and i`ll have a diet lemonade please" " bit fucking late for that darlin` innit?"

There was a large amount of beer nostril syphoned and sprayed at this point.

The insult went right over her head, not a glimmer, unless that was self control, which she obviously lacked in other departments.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 14:16, Reply)