An Innocent Visit to the Newsagents
It happened when I popped into my newsagents a couple of months ago to collect my monthly collection of porn mags. When I entered the shop I was greeted by an unfamiliar face behind the counter, a greeting of "Hello ducky" and a strong odour of womens perfume. We got chatting to one another, and I found out his name was Julian.

He seemed like a pleasant chap, told me about his CD collection (Steps, Kylie and Right Said Fred mainly), his TV favourites (Will & Grace, So Graham Norton and Big Brothers Big Brother) and told me all about his extravagant catsuit collection.

Anyway, after much talking, I decided to be on my way and asked for my monthly pickup. I was a bit embarassed when Julian handed me them to me, 'Big Bottomed Men in with the Workplace' had somehow got placed into my pile by mistake. I explained the error to Julian, and with an olympic walkers manner he went into the back to check the order.

When he returned we cleared up the mishap and he asked me to take a sniff of his perfume as I had earlier asked what it was because it was my girlfriends birthday shortly and I was sure she would probably like it.

This is the puzzling bit, I must've suddenly blacked out as I have no memory of what then happened. All I remember is coming around to be greeted by Julian, with a big grin on his face, asking me "Do you want me to give you the name of the perfume then?", and I said "No, it makes me feel too snoozy, and for some unknown reason it doesn't half make my bottom hurt"

To this day I'm still embaressed about fainting suddenly like that, and I still get an odd twitch in the old sherrifs badge whenever I think of it?????
(Lt Columbo, Fri 14 Jul 2006, 0:52, Reply)