The size of rockmelons
I was playing a game of football with my school mates in primary school.
I'd scored a goal, which was quite rare for me as I am not the most sporting kind of person and I was still 'high' from the goal I had scored.
While I was thinking about the awesomeness of my goal kicking skills I failed to see Neville, my arch nemisis infront of me lining up the ball for a killer kick.
Last thing I remember hearing is laughter.
All I really remember is a whitehot pain in the nadgers, everything going in slow motion...including the ground coming up to me at a fast pace, and losing my breath.

I scored a direct hit the testicles.

Now this was no ordinary hit, this was akin to a sledge hammer smashing down on an orange, I was in so much pain my headmaster had to carry me back to the classroom whilst I hyperventilated.

My mother was phoned with the good news that her son had become a eunuch and that she better get me to a doctor pretty fast.

While I was waiting for her to arrive, my testicles started to get bigger and bigger, like seriously huge.
To the point that I had to take my tighty whities off and keep my shorts unbuttoned at the top.

I limp to her car and get taken to the doctors, his first response was "Woah, I have never seen testicles that swollen before", which was really comforting for a 10 year old.

After he stuck a torch onto them to view the fluid build up in my balls, his advice to me was to take long hot baths to reduce the swelling, coupled with regular doses of asprin as it's a good anti-inflammatory.

Now this is where I just cringe everytime I think about it.

He also told me that if the swelling had'nt noticeably reduced in a weeks time that I would have to come back in and he'd have to, and I quote, "Drain the fluid with a syringe", and proceeded to show me the worlds biggest hypodermic needle.

I started to cry.

During that week I bathed pretty much all day in a hot bath and sneakily took asprin between doses.

My nuts went small enough not to drain them.

This was 19 years ago and I am overly cautious not to get my boys hit with anything these days.
(sinewriter, Wed 19 Jul 2006, 5:40, Reply)