I get to post this again!!! Gents - cross your legs.
Many moons ago, when I was but a lad (about 18 and discovering the joys of inappropriateness with the leydees) I suffered from a condition called Phimosis - feel free to google it but it's basically a foreskin that is too tight to retract without causing pain and swelling.....

One evening, lubricated by a number of pints of the lunatic special at the Old Man and Scythe I managed to get lucky with a lady and managed to "do the deed". It hurt like hell but somehow the old fella managed to perform and all was good.

Until later that night. If you can imagine the scenario - the foreskin retracts but decides to shrink around my bellend. Basically I was priapic with a persistent erection and my helmet was turning an angry purple and getting larger. I managed to live with it for a few hours until the pain became too much to bear.

Now the object of my affection that evening was a nurse and thought (due to the effects of being shitfaced) that it would be a simple process to relieve the pressure until I could seek professional assistance. So we commenced the operation...

Nail scissors sterilised in a ligher flame, ice liberally applied to the offending area to numb the pain and the banjo string and the stubborn ring of foreskin around the base of the helmet is cut! I was very surprised how tough human flesh is, even in the most delicate of areas.....

All was good for about 30 seconds. The pressure subsided and things started to look normal then the pain decided to kick in together with copious blood flow. If didn't know I could bleed so much and live. It was everywhere, the sink, the bath, the floor, the bathmat, towels - you name it, it got a soaking.

We decided at that point that a trip to casualty was in order.....the member for Quimborough was wrapped in a towel and the ambulance was called.

It was worth the embarassment of the consultation as the next day I'd had an emergency circumcision and a few weeks later (once the stitches had disssolved/been picked out) I discovered the true joy of sex.

Absolutely true and the most painful thing I've ever encountered but worth it in the end.
(penrose your dog's got tits, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 12:33, 8 replies)

Holy CHRIST.
Not only you, but you allowed a drunken stranger to attack your Old Man with NAIL SCISSORS?!

Dear gods up in heaven and the fishes in the ocean ...

*clicks I Like This! repeatedly*
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 12:36, closed)

I can agree that phimosis is most uncomfortable, and also that the blood flow from a torn banjo string is quite surprising
I can also tell you that seeing a split stitch after your circumcision is likely to make you want to faint.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 12:40, closed)

Argh!
Perhaps a silly question, but why didn't you just get circumcised much earlier?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 13:23, closed)

Simply
.....fear.
(penrose your dog's got tits, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 13:36, closed)

Much much earlier is the key.
I had the same condition, as did my dad and brother. My parents had the foresight to have me chopped when I was two.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 13:39, closed)

Quite. Would expect this to be diagnosed quite early.
I got done when I was two (possibly the same reason, not sure) and, reading this horror story, I've never been more glad!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 13:58, closed)

ditto on the early circumcision for me as well.
The desensitising has its advantages though.
(Finster Ate a cat biscuit for a bet, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 15:35, closed)

OH GOD WHY

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 14:50, closed)