Nazi Glider
I picked it up on the way into school, having shelled out my lunch money on this instead of something unnecessary, like food. It was one of those small polystyrene gliders with the realistic plastic propeller jobbie on the end that spun when you chucked it. Although it meant I was going to go hungry that dinnertime, I was as happy as the proverbial pig in shit walking to class that morning, first assembling and then playing with my small glider toy. It was a German one; so I pretended to shoot down shitloads of imaginary spitfires as I went – not being a particularly patriotic eight year old boy.

When I eventually arrived at school we had assembly first thing. I walked into the hall, still clutching my new toy, showing it off to the other kids like I was Billy Big Bollocks. And head, Mr Ozier, went through his usual boring drone about fuck knows what. Then, after he’d finished his bit, he asked if anybody had anything they’d like to show the rest of the school. (This was part of the routine at assemblies).

My hand shot up and I let out a little whimper. I was beckoned forward.

“Look!” I said, holding aloft my mighty new glider toy. The other kids were awed – I could tell.

Mr Ozier, the head teacher smiled down at me. “That’s nice, Spanky. What type of plane is that?”

I steadied myself, desperately tried to remember the name on the glider packaging, suddenly it came to me and I screamed as loudly as I could: “ITS A FUCKING WOLF, SIR!!! A FUCKING WOLF!!!”

My form tutor nearly fell off her chair. Some of the other kids chuckled and murmered.

Mr Ozier took my hand and led me off stage. He said to me quietly: “Focker Wulf, Spanky... Focker Wulf...”
( SpankyHanky, Tue 26 May 2009, 14:48, 4 replies)

*chortles*
*clicks*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 26 May 2009, 15:43, closed)

I had many of those gliders
Me: Dad dad dad dad daaaadd! Dad. Daaaddddd... CanIhaveoneoftheplanesplease? Pleasepleasepleeeeese? They fly and everything!!1
Dad: *hands over 50p*

later...

Me: Neeeeowwwwww! ratatatatatatatat!! *various explosion noises as rendered by a six year old*
*throws*
*glides*
*crash into television/dog/Dad's head/similar*
*breaks*
*tantrum*

Every. Single. Time.
( TheMattInAHat has a particular... odour..., Tue 26 May 2009, 15:48, closed)

....*stands up* ahem... Hello... I am the Magic of Chutney and I....
Still buy and make these at 30 years of age....My desk

( The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Tue 26 May 2009, 16:31, closed)

Hussah!
Good work! Tally ho, old bean!
(superscape blames it on the bogie, Tue 26 May 2009, 20:27, closed)