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This is a question Impulse buys

I'm now the owner of a monster trampoline that's nearly too big for the garden. Tell us your retail disasters and triumphs.

(, Thu 21 May 2009, 11:52)
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Sweetie's post below reminds me...
A few months back I received a sexy text from my good lady, Liz, while I was at work on a slow Friday:-


Later, I meet Liz in the pub for a few jars. A few jars turns into quite a few jars. And quite a few shots. And a kebab.

We go back to ours and start making the beast with two backs. I start edging my way down her body, fancying a spot of cunning-linguistics. Then I remember the flavoured lube; might be a bit of a giggle. I ask Liz where she's stashed it. She explains, rather drunkenly, that its on the table next to the bed.

I fumble round in the dark, find the tube, squirt a liberal amount of the slippery stuff on her gash and start lapping away like a thirsty St. Bernard on a hot day attacking a bowl of cool water.

Yuk - the fucking lube tastes awful. Its doing strange things to my insides too. Oh, well. I eat the rest of the stuff off my good lady's puffy vertical smile and get down to some serious oral.

Fast forward to the morning. We wake up in a hung over heap.

Liz looks over and sees the unopened flavoured lube tube next to the bed. She looks at me questioningly.

I shrug.

Then I notice the tube on the floor next to the bed, squeezed in the middle, a little of the contents running out the end like thick, yellow toothpaste.

"Oh, you didn't..." says Liz.

But I had...

Athletes foot cream tastes fucking awful.

And, to make matters worse, I spent most of that Saturday morning on the bog, shitting out my small intestine and quite possibly a large part of my colon.
(, Tue 26 May 2009, 16:57, 9 replies)
Was it a bit minty?

(, Tue 26 May 2009, 17:01, closed)
never found the need for lube
except for a spot of the old wrong-lovin'

my oral and manual skills have always conjured enough of the natural stuff

not that I'm saying you are shit Spanky

but I am saying that
(, Tue 26 May 2009, 17:04, closed)
I've got a sweet tooth
A VERY sweet tooth...

...although I'm quite partial to the natural beef flavourings of your average vag, what I could really do with is a lady who's cum canyon tastes naturally like butterscotch...

...that would be fucking lovely...
(, Tue 26 May 2009, 17:11, closed)
steer clear of the ginge then
the adage is true. rusty roof, smelly garage. applies to taste too.

a natural butterscotch flavour would be the business though.
(, Tue 26 May 2009, 17:15, closed)
Athletes foot cream eh?
And you ended up with the runs you say?
(, Tue 26 May 2009, 17:51, closed)
Spank, I empathise with you.
I once got so cunted that I brushed my teeth with Savlon. It made my gums blister.
(, Tue 26 May 2009, 22:44, closed)
You poor bloke.
My condolences, SpankyHanky.
(, Wed 27 May 2009, 9:53, closed)
Very stock standard
'It was dark, so I did something with the wrong conveniently placed tube! lol!' story. But it was well written and amusing so...click.
(, Wed 27 May 2009, 14:30, closed)
Its pretty damn obvious
this is an off the cuff post from Spankyhanky in response to someone elses post. Having had a look at your profile I'd recommend you concentrate on improving your own posts before having a pop at someone elses.
(, Wed 27 May 2009, 15:00, closed)

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