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This is a question Impulse buys

I'm now the owner of a monster trampoline that's nearly too big for the garden. Tell us your retail disasters and triumphs.

(, Thu 21 May 2009, 11:52)
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Goan get your arse raped.
I was on holiday in Goa and they had this little hut where you could get a holistic massage. "Holistic! That sounds nice" I thought, so I made an appointment.

When I got there it was this single room in a hut, with a bed in the middle. There was the masseuse who was a man, and his wife was standing outside, smiling through the window every so often.

"First of all" he said "you need to change into this". He gave me this thing to put on, like a ladies g string made of cotton. But the string bit was at the front AND the back. So I was standing there in the buff apart from a little g string, with my cock kind of poking timidly out the side. "Is this right!?" I asked and he said "yes, yes" whilst looking at my fiery thatch and laughing to himself.

"Now" he said, "lie on your front". Well that was a relief. He then proceeded to beat the crap out of me. But I was too polite to tell him I wasn't enjoying it in case it hurt his professional pride.

"Is this good?"
"aah FUCK. Yes its good, thank you. fuck IT".

I asked him how long we'd been going for, and he said "relax! Just 5 minutes so far". I'd booked for an hour and I nearly cried.

I had to turn over and I got a nipple gripple, this time with the added humiliation of having my knob waving at him, followed by a chinese burn on each wrist. Then he cracked all my knuckles, and actually started karate chopping between my toes.

When it was nearly over, I was back on my front, and he was massaging my arse, which was OK. But as a final touch he stuck his thumb up my crack. Like "there you go! all done! thumbs been up the chute, you're good to go". This last point is disputed by everyone I've told this story too, but the fact remains - that man digitally penetrated my anus horribilus.

When it was finally over I had to say thank you and pay him 40 quid and hobble back to my hotel room. And that was my worst ever impulse purchase.
(, Tue 26 May 2009, 23:22, 3 replies)
he was just massaging your bum grapes for you!
(, Wed 27 May 2009, 12:40, closed)
Maybe he was trying to push them back up.
(, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:53, closed)
^^ clicks
great story!
(, Thu 28 May 2009, 9:07, closed)

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