Tesicular lumps
This is part serious… A few years ago I discovered a bit of a lump in one of my magic love beans. I left it for a bit, but then it started to become a tad painful – a kind of lingering, dragging pain that was sharply emphasised if you so much as lifted your leg to fart. So I did what any health conscious young chap would do, and took myself off to the doctor to get it checked out.

First appointment was just a check up. With a rather attractive young lady doctor. Crap. So I’m lying there, while she has a bit of a poke and a rub around the area in question. After what seemed an eternity, she declares that whilst she doesn’t think it’s anything to be concerned about, she’d better palm me off on a consultant to have an ultrasound.

The consultant turns out to be another attractive, young, lady doctor, who proceeds to do the same routine, only this time with the added bonus of a cold metal instrument and a jelly-like substance. Joy. However, the conclusion is the same. It’s nought but a cyst, that will probably stay there and flare up from time to time, but if there is any major change, make another appointment.

A few weeks later, and I’m round at the sweary one’s parents for dinner. Sweary Senior is a dry old sod at the best of times. Mid-way through dinner, he asks me, perfectly straight-faced, “So, Davros, when you thought it might be cancer, did the doctors manage to straighten things out, or did they just give you a load of bollocks”?

“Oh no, they were straight up with me about it”.

“Well that’s good. Are you OK? You look a bit knackered”.

“I’m fine. Just feeling a bit testy is all”.

Etc.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Jun 2008, 14:36, 5 replies)

I Disagree
"So I did what any health conscious young chap would do"

No you didn't. You went to the docs.

What a "proper man" would have done is to whip it out down the pub and rely on your mates, the barmaids, and random strangers advice.

Always worked for me...

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 14:59, closed)

Ah yes...
but then, I'm not your average bloke...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Jun 2008, 15:06, closed)

...
Where can I find all these attractive, lady doctors?

I think I feel a fake cyst developing.
(Oben, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 15:13, closed)

^
Greystoke Surgery in Morpeth, Northumberland.

*winks*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Jun 2008, 15:18, closed)

@Mr Oben
.
My missus.

But even *think* about anything non-medical and the same thing will happen to you that happened to your great-grandfather.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 15:22, closed)