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This is a question Accidental innuendo

Freddy Woo writes, "A woman I used to work with once walked into a car workshop to get her windscreen replaced, and uttered the immortal line, "Have you seen the size of my crack?"

What innuendos have you accidentally walked into? Are you a 1970s Carry On film character?
Extra points for the inappropriateness of the context

(, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 12:05)
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They all want to be in my gang...
I can be quite eloquent when I try. Despite the northern accent and propensity to curse like a navvy, I’ve been told that one of my strengths is my ability to explain scientific concepts in a clear, concise manner and to convey instructions to students in such a way that they feel confident that they understand what it is that I want them to do. I’ve also been working on my “dealing with people” skills (yes, I’m applying for jobs) as we’ve been having a few issues at work with postdocs treating undergraduate students like slaves. I was asked to step in and mediate in one instance to try to resolve the issue. I gathered together some of the undergraduates and we talked through what they felt the issues were and what we could do as a group to resolve them. I used the occasion to canvas their opinion on what they thought my strengths and weaknesses were in terms of supervision so that I could work on these.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that the students found me easy to work with. They weren’t shy about telling me where I needed help (“not panicking” was one of the things they suggested I could try harder at).

Now I said I can be quite eloquent. This, unfortunately only comes as part of an iterative process, where I work out what it is that I’d like to say and carefully hone it so that the words eventually leave my mouth in the right order, minus the “ums”, “erms” and “fucks”. I’m not good if put on the spot. I was asked by a colleague about the outcome of my meeting with the students and how they had rated me. One of the things we had discussed was motivation and that they felt that I was good at motivating them to carry out experiments that they were nervous about or that they had been putting off.

Unfortunately when I tried to convey this to my colleague, I told them that, “the students say I make them do stuff with me. You know, unpleasant things. Things they don’t want to do…”

The silence that followed has been hitherto unmatched in duration or awkwardness.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 20:35, 6 replies)
(, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 20:51, closed)
Like it!
(, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 21:27, closed)
are so wasted as a scientist. write a book, write a book!!

looking forward to much pimms and sangria in the sun in august!
(, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 22:51, closed)
yeah, what ms. swipe said...
Rakky, you're a better writer than most of the ones whose stories I have to edit every night. If you're a better scientist than writer, you must be bloody brilliant...
(, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 23:42, closed)
A classic Rakky tale

But what sort of experiments do you do which make your students nervous?

I've made things that go 'BANG', but they tend to be extracurricular and don't involve students...
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 8:29, closed)
Could I borrow...
... some of your people skills? I suffer from rage when attempting to explain technical concepts to those less intellectually fortunate. Recently, after being given the incredulously silent, confused treatment again, I resorted to explaining that, 'the magic box that controls your robots had been awake for too long and got confused. I put it to sleep and woke it up again in the morning'.

I now have a person whose sole job is to work as my 'customer interface'.


EDIT: The actual problem was that the vendor-unsupported Oracle database SQL buffer suffered failure when the shared memory buffer in the SGA reached maximum capacity due to fractured RAM structures, as a direct result of 18 months of straight database operation with no ASMM nor maintenance windows. But how do you explain that to someone who barely knows how to switch on their PC?
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 17:04, closed)

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