How close is Harry to Voldermort?
As Harry and Hagrid were walking within the grounds of Hogwart's. Harry's scar started to tingle. "Hagrid, how did I get my scar, and why does it tingle?" asked the young wizard. "Well you see Harry, when your mum got pregnant with you, your mum and dad didnt know how they would cope. So your mum ended up pimping herself out and offering her body for sexual pleasures of frustrated men. Her prices were fair, considering how good she was at sucking my ..." Hagrid realised he shouldnt be telling Harry about his mother's sordid past. Luckily Harry interrupted "But Hagrid what does this have to do with my scar?" Maybe not a lucky intervention as first thought. "Well you see, the thing is Harry, as your mum got further into her pregnancy, she was still on the game. The bigger the bump the more despicable the actions had to be. But one wizard Harry had a very big Magic Wand" Hagrid nudged Harry and smiled to himself at his euphemism and continued "Well his Magic Wand was so big, it went straight into her womb and stabbed you right in the head, leaving you with that scar." Harry was devastated, and began to ponder "But Magic Wands are round and fat, they couldnt do a thing like this" Harry pointed to his scar, hoping Hagrid would proclaim he was just bluffing. Hagrid began to talk "Well thats the thing Harry, Lord Voldemort..." Harry looked dumbfounded upon hearing Lord Voltermort's name "Opps wasnt meant to say that.The wizard has a very thin pointy Magic Wand, just like a pencil with a sharp lead. Hagrid giggled while Harry looked perplexed and anguished from what he had heard, and screamed "So Lord Voldemort scared me whilst doing the bang-bangs with my mother. But why the black magic, do I get tingling sensations from the scar? Hagrid sat down on a near by stone and told Harry to sit and calm down, before he replied to the question. Hagrid cleared his throat, sat upright and looked uncomfortable "You see Harry, every time Lord Voldermort gets a tingle in his loins..." Harry interrupted "Whats a tingle in your loins?" Hagrid composed himself again and said sheepishly "A tingle in your loins, is an erection Harry, so every time Lord Voldermort gets a tingle, you get a tingle on your head." Hagrid began chuckling, "Hagrid how on Earth can you chuckle at all this?" Harry screeched pre-pubescent. "Sorry Harry, it's my dirty mind you see. Every time Voldemort thinks of head, ironically your head also has a tingling sensation"

True Story

p.s. sorry for it unparagraphed and badly punctuated, but i shall work on it and modify it later :)
(Ka-Tingey www.myspace.com/paultingey weekly updated funnies, Mon 31 Jul 2006, 23:25, Reply)