The Donutsh
I had an interesting experience with people off the internet once... I run a radio station** for unsigned bands and had some music from a fellow b3tan who is in a band called The Donutsh. I live in Thanet and had some work in London but, due to poor planning, I didn't have enough cash flowing to get to and from London every day so I put the word out, half-jokingly, during a radio show and got an email off Klepsie basically saying "Come and stay at my house, it's ok, we can get stoned". Great success!!

So I show up and Klepsie is lovely, we talk bollocks, we watch telly and all is good.

The second night we drive over to Henry the bass-player's house and things get weird. Henry has an interest in Research Chemicals. 'Research Chemicals' is a euphemism for anything legally-obtainable that can get you high. Flavour of the month is AM2201* - a potent non-selective cannabinoid receptor agonist. Essentially that means it gets you allofthestonedatthesametime... drooling-laughing-hungry-stupid-razorsharp-insightful stoned.

I took a hit from a normal cigarette dipped in this mysterious white powder and within 30 seconds I was further gone than I ever have been before. Paralysis and paranoia. I couldn't move for what seemed like hours and the whole time I was convinced something terrible was about to happen. "What have they given me.... weird white powder.... what if it's PCP... why can't I move... Maybe they are satanists... they are going to drag me into the courtyard, strip me naked, and ritually bugger me...."

I started to regain control of my limbs and move around a bit. The head of a cat popped up over the edge of the coach. "Oh that's nice" I thought, "It's all so obvious now.... the cat is the LEADER!! If I make friends with the cat they won't ceremonially humiliate me!!". Of course... it all made sense! I started to stroke the cat, the cat loved it and started doing all cat-things.. rubbing it's head on me, purring and started to climb onto me.

When I initially sat down on the couch I had kind of leant back and lifted my balls up so I could cross my legs. The cat climbed on to me and sat down directly on my balls. So warm. It started purring and stared me straight in the eye. There is a warm throbbing presence on my testicles and I want, no - NEED to impress it. It's a matter of life and death. I swear the cat wants to have sex with me. It looks... horny. It is trying it's hardest to give me a hard-on. What do I do. I'm going to get raped by a cat or The Donutsh.

I started to stare at the curtains while trying not to cry. At some point I became aware that I was in a room full of people laughing and joking. I was safe. They were friendly. We could watch Metalocalypse and smoke some more AM2201.

*AM2201 is commonly sold to labs who need soemthing with which to clean their gas chromatography equipment.

**shameless plug - www.federalradio.co.uk - live shows Thursday and Sunday evenings... join us! send us your music! :)
(Ktulu O'Ryleh float like a turd, sting like chlamydia, Sun 25 Nov 2012, 23:49, 8 replies)

Needed to "Inb4 MASSIVE DRUGS".

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 5:30, closed)

In reply to "Crazy People of the Internet"
You admit to being a drug addled cat raper...........
(Barnetboy, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 15:08, closed)

MASSIVE DRUG addled,
no less.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 16:44, closed)

Because stories about how you felt on drugs are so interesting
and all about Internet Crazies.
( Bamboo Steamer, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 18:40, closed)

you only prove that Thanet is the epicentre of banality and mouth-breathing

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 22:18, closed)

You fucking what mush?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 1:15, closed)

Where is Battered when you need him
to hammer the fuck out of this guy for plugging his radio station?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:11, closed)