In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed ForcesI've never been a soldier. I was an air cadet once, but that mostly involved sitting in a mouldy hut learning about aeroplane engines with the hint that one day we might go flying.
Yet, anyone who has spent time defending their nation, or at least drinking bromide-laced-tea for their nation, must have stories to tell. Tell them now.
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chthonic, Thu 23 Mar 2006, 18:26)
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Ok I was going to make a movie file of this to demonstrateBut in case I don't have time, one of the bestest things I ever learned in the Army was how to wipe your arse. This tip may be damn good for b3ta as well as there are a lot of students on a budget and with this method, you can clean your bum with just one sheet!
(Whilst this may be a windup, a Bombardier did teach us this when I was on my basics, but make of it what you will)
Ok in a standard daily Ration Pack you get 8 sheets of square toilet paper. And it does make sense that if you get the trots you want to maybe economise on their use so you are instructed to do the following:
1. Take the square sheet of toilet paper and fold it in half.
2. Now take the folded piece of paper and fold it in half again.
3. At the double folded corner, tear away a small part of the corner, importantly retaining the offcut.
4. Open out the toilet paper and you should have a small hole in the middle.
5. Defecate
6. Insert your middle finger through the centre hole and insert up arse.
7. Retract finger, and using surrounding toilet paper, gather up tightly arounded soiled finger and wipe away effluence
8. Finally, using the retained corner piece, use this to dig out any remaining effluence from under the fingernail.
It might be nice as a top tip - like I said if I get time I will make an animation of how to do it, but as preposterous as it sounds, it does make sense.
Oh and when in barracks, the supplied toilet paper is produced (ot at least it was) by Her Majesty's Stationary Office - True fact!
(, Wed 29 Mar 2006, 14:36, Reply)
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