I love Mrs Duck with all my heart
but she does several things that get me madder than a mosquito in a mannequin factory

1) Instant coffee grains in the sugar bowl. Sometimes our sugar bowl looks like an arctic hares burrow. So when I make her tea I pick them all out and put them in her cup. So she has cofftea/teafee she never notices the bloody philistine

2) Empty boxes/packets/jars put back in the cupboard/fridge/freezer.

3) Wet towels & MY dressing gown (also wet) in a crumpled heap on my side of the bed.

4) Razor blades couldn't be any more expensive if they made them from Unicorn horn slithers coated in diamonds, and on a day to day basis I use an electric razor but every now and then it's nice to have a wet shave. When I do inevitably the blade is clogged full of the missus pit & leg hair

They seem so petty & irrational when I've written them down
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:49, 4 replies)

She should be making your tea.
Give her a slap.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:58, closed)

That's disgusting...
...why would anyone drink instant coffee?
( doog Don't read this., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:01, closed)

because it's quicker
depends on the brand. If you're drinking Nescafe, then you need the humours to be drawn from your eyes with a hypodermic.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:20, closed)

What is this "quick coffee" of which you speak?
Surely the point of coffee is the flavour and aroma? If you want a quick caffeine fix, snort a fucking Beechams powder.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 15:32, closed)