Alan Carr
I know it isn't irrational to dislike Alan Carr. But I hate his 'comedy' far more than is healthy. I'm actually seething with rage just typing his name.

I don't get why Alan Carr is so very successful. He's just not funny, and as far as I have ever seen, completely devoid of wit. He punctuates all of his punchlines by scrunching up his stupid face, and (if you notice) audiences often laugh in cue with his silly faces rather than the culmination of his joke (unless it's one of those lowest common denominator 'ooh willies' type 'jokes' that he has built a career out of).

Why is he on the radio? Why? Is it because someone at the BBC made the following argument?
Paul O'Grady = perfectly inoffensive radio 2 host
Paul O'Grady = Gay
Paul O'Grady = Channel 4 presenter
Therefore
Gay + Channel 4 presenter = perfectly acceptable radio 2 host
I think it is.

You might say: "Hey Levi, you know, Alan Carr's type of humour really isn't aimed at you, it's not surprising you don't find him funny." But that is such bollocks.

Like most people under the age of 50, I'm no fan of camp humour. I think it's old hat, and probably hinders the gay cause more than it helps, and unless innuendo has that tension of "I can't believe they said that" or "how clever they are to get that past the censors" or "only about 10 people in this room understood that reference to that sex act" it's just not funny. But when I see Graham Norton or Paul O'Grady, or even (back in the day) Julian Clary, even though I wouldn't buy tickets to see them or anything, I can at least recognise that they are professionals, and very talented, very funny individuals who probably deserve a career on the telly. When I see Alan Carr I just think - you could go to any gay bar in Britain and find one of a million gay men who have exactly the same schtick, but with several times the wit and natural comedic ability.

I just can't fathom his massive, runaway popularity. Here's my hypothesis:
Some people are so earth-shatteringly thick that they find most stand-up comedians baffling, incomprehensible, inaccessible, and therefore annoying and even offensive. Then a comedian comes a long with no discernable talent whatsoever, who is willing to say 'willy' and then scrunch his face up in public ad infinitum, whose entire on-stage persona is reducible to a few lazy stereotypes, and who is very nearly equally as thick as the great unwashed masses who had previously felt alienated even from a form of culture as simple as joke-telling, and so they flock to him like he's the new messiah and buy all his stupid fucking DVDs.

Apologies. Just, apologies.
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 16:43, 7 replies)

He went up in my estimations for writing "PISSFLAPS" as a flippant answer on Big Fat Quiz of the Year

( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Mon 4 Apr 2011, 17:40, closed)

I'm not even gay but I'd fuck him.
With a motorbike chain and a length of steel pipe, that is.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 17:49, closed)

Not surprising
That a man who calls himself 'Leviticus' hates gays so much :)

J/K. Alan Carr is emphatically Not Funny and I agree with everything you said.
( Scrumper, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 18:03, closed)

Yeah, I should probably come up with a new username
Leviticus is probably the single worst book of the bible, since it is somehow the most evil and the most boring all at the same time. Which is a shame, because up until that point the bible is a damn entertaining, laugh-a-minute read.
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 12:48, closed)

Still, he's no Michael Mcintyre

( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 18:12, closed)

Now that is one unfunny
Cunt.
( bane, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 22:41, closed)

Carr = Cunt
No need to apologise. Carr is just not fucking funny.

He's doing the same stuff Julian Clary did 25 years ago, but at least he was genuinely sharp.
(Barry Subchimp, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 12:35, closed)