Bouncers (there seems to be a common element here)
a few weeks ago on a friday night out, i was forced by my friends to go to our local jumpin' jaks (a shitty nightclub chain).

we spent 10 minutes queuing up to get in, only for me to get pulled aside by the doorman, and told very gruffly "no trainers"

as a back history, since the age of 4, i've had several operations to correct my somewhat spacky feet, and as a result, it causes me considerable pain to wear shoes, as they lack the underfoot cushioning of trainers. to make up for this, i buy very non-descript trainers that can pass as shoes.

i explain this to the doorman, and it goes like this

doorman: "have you got a doctors note?"|
me: "doctors note? wtf?! you're not a school teacher"
doorman: "so, have you got one?"
me: "of course i havent, you tit. im on a night out, not on a fucking job interview"
doorman: "then you'll have to leave"
me: "not until i've spoken to your manager"
doorman: "why's that"
me: "because you've just discriminated against someone with a disablity"
doorman: "dont give me that, you little lying shit, thats not a disability"
me: "fuck you, i'll show you the scars"
*i begin to take off my shoe and sock*
doorman: "what the fuck d'ya think you're doing?"
me: "i'm providing proof of my ailment"
doorman: "alright mate, no need, i'll let you in this time"
me: "actually, fuck it, i'm not coming in. i've been insulted and discriminated before getting into the venue, therefore you're company doesnt deserve my money, and i'll make sure i relate this story to the local media, as well as sending a formal letter of complaint.".

to this day, im still not sure how i managed to pull this off with such a straight face, considering the total skinfull i;d had
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Thu 12 May 2005, 18:41, Reply)