I like to show my daughter I can't be easily fooled
By saying what's almost certainly going through her mind. What she doesn't realise is that I was her age once.

Example 1 - Standing in a queue at the supermarket till, if I see her fixed gaze over towards the magazine rack followed by that questioning tone of voice -you know the one that goes up in pitch, then down low, then recovers to the original note- 'Da-aaaa-ad' I usually reply with 'No, I'm not buying you another horse magazine'. Cue look of 'Get out of my mind!'.

Example 2 - From the kitchen- "Do I have to finish all my tea?"
Me in lounge "Yes, if you want a viennese whirl (or something) after.
Her- "OK". 2 seconds later and almost subsonic sound of bin lid being moved. "Finished! Can I have one now?"
Me- "once you've eaten the leftover food out of the bin, yes" at which point she comes in and gives me a folded-arm scowl like I'm being unfair.

Example 3:- "Dad, Can I have the door slightly open? I don't like it dark when I go to sleep."
Me-"OK. I'll just turn off the landing light so it's not bright enough to read by".
Her- "DAD!I wouldn't!"
Me- "Then it doesn't matter will it".
Her- (sulky) "OK then"
Me- (thinks- a quick surrender eh? suspicious...)- "So if I look under your pillow there I won't find a torch then?"
Her- "NO!".
Me- "Ok, hand over the Gameboy".
She does the cute equivalent of Mutley 'Saas'n frass'n rassn'' under her breath as she hands over the offending device.

The problem with example 3 is that as she's getting older (shite, going to be 12 next birthday) I'm having to adapt my stance, i.e. do I really want her to be lying awake listening to what me and my ex discuss after she's supposedly gone to bed?

At least once already it's been modified to "Here's your gameboy and you won't be able to turn the volume up cos I'll hear it so best use headphones, eh? "

God help me when she gets old enough to look up all my b3ta contributions...
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 17 Apr 2008, 20:29, 2 replies)

It is wonderful when your kids think you are a mind reader

they start out amazed then quickly turn to pissed off, don't they?
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sat 19 Apr 2008, 20:14, closed)

One of my favorite stunts to pull on my son
was when I was living in my first apartment, which was on the second floor of the building. I had my computer set up in the living room, very near to the door of the apartment. My chair was one of those molded fiberglass bucket seats with padding on a swivel that were popular in the early 70s.

I would hear the door to the building open and hear feet on the staircase and swivel in my chair to face the door, elbows on the armrests of the chair and fingers steepled, looking expectantly at him as he came in.

Freaked him out every time.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 21 Apr 2008, 19:47, closed)