random child-related things...
In response to skitllemcfluff's post - I once was so enraged by our local newspaper that I actually wrote a letter of comaplaint and, thus, spawned a generational war on the letters peage.

The short version is that, since the Barracks and the Mental Hospital (hell, call it a loony bin, as we all did) closed, most of the bigger houses in the area were sold off to become nursing homes, with the result that the town became full of whining old bastards and the piss-smelling haiirdans they married.

So, now that we are CodgerVille, we start to get the obligatory flower baskets, lowered curbs and, of course, complaints. Like the old bitch who bought a private flat opposite a pub, then complained about the noise. The pub had been there 100+ years and, you know what, it always tended to get rowdy at closing time on a friday night.

But the big rants usually come along at hallowe'en, which is where this tale begins. Basically, there was a Daily Mail-esque piece in the local chip-wrapper that covered pages 1, 2, 3, 4 and a couple in the middle going on about this "Reign of Terror" that had happened on hallowe'en. Things smashed, old farts intimidated and gangs of marauding hoodies roaming the streets looking for pensioners to happy-slap. You get the idea.

Here's the thing, though. I was out on the streets they were talking about, at the time it was supposed to be a riot zone. I was, at it happens, walking home from a quiet evening watching horror films with a mate to mark the event. I decided that, as I hadn't been raped, murdered or pillaged, I might share the truth of the matter with the general populace:

1) "Vandals cause chaos and damage on main road". Actually, three kids wlaking home from a party played football with a pumpkin. Thier pumpkin, as the candle in it had burned out.

2) "I was terrified for my life by thugs". Actually, the miserable old bastard used to swear at me when I was a kid and I have no doubt that, when some kids Trick or Treated him, he swore and threatened them, so they (like all good kids) replied with "fuck off, grandad, you don't scare us"

3) "Vandals destroyed property" Contrary to popular opinion, knocking a branch off a dead shrub as you walk back up the driveway after being sworn at is not an act of war, it's an act of bad gardening.

I also pointed out that, whilst obviously all kids nowadays are hoodie-asbo-chav-scum who happyslap nuns, the generation of whingers were perfectly within thier rights to go scrumping for apples on private property during a time of NATIONAL FOOD RATIONING. I pointed out that either what they did was burglary, or having your TV nicked is "urban scrumping". Needless to say, it stirred to old bastards up. I hope it gave a few of them strokes, too. Serves them right - kids are just kids - if you're scared of them, they'll get lairy, but they also have a right to have some fun, laugh and be young.

*rant over*

Apologies for length
(Chance, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 16:31, 5 replies)

Well said
Bloody good rant.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 16:43, closed)

So if you don't
mind me asking, where is this?
Sounds a lot like Frinton/Clacton-on-sea...
( Cawl, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 16:46, closed)

location, location, location
Town is Caterham
and I believe the paper was the County Border News, (or it might have been the Catheram Independent or Caterham Mirror). I know there was a war on the letters page for three weeks. w00t!
(Chance, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 17:03, closed)

'Urban Scrumping'
Isn't that from Bill Bailey's 'Part Troll' sketch?
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 17:09, closed)

I approve
My younger brothers have found that old ladies tut at them if they walk past on the street with more than 1 friend, unless they wear glasses. Oh those fearsome youths.
(Skittlemcfluff ......................, Sat 19 Apr 2008, 0:51, closed)