my Dad thought so much of us
...that he consistently lied to me and my little brother throughout the course of our childhood. Here are my favourites:

The family pets
Before going to bed at night, our Dalmatian Sally would supposedly take off her spots (one by one) and pile them by the side of her bed, before putting on her pink and blue stripes. Meanwhile, Guinness the cat (black body, white head [she didn't actually have a white head, but that's a whole other story]) would unzip her furry suit and put on her pyjamas.

Ireland
The ancient castle ruins commonly seen around the south coast of Ireland were actually put up last year by the Irish tourist board. The ivy was spray-painted on. In yesteryears, the Irish sea was populated by the Armani Pirates, who went around in sharp suits and sunglasses, listening to Duran Duran and floating snares on the rock exchange.

Asquith
How did our semi-detached somehow get tidier between bedtime and breakfast? That would be the butler, Asquith. His father was our Dad's Batman during the Late Unpleasantness (Dad was Robin, because actually Robin was in charge, but nobody's allowed to tell Batman in case he gets upset) and he lived Below Stairs. This led to long expeditions into the under-stairs cupboard and a great many tellings off for trying to peel up the carpet.

The lift
We moved house. How did my parents get all the furniture upstairs? In the lift, of course. Did they have lifts when our house was built in 1869? According to my Dad, yes they did - because he was there (Dad was born when the Dinosaurs Roamed The Earth). We spent over ten years looking for that bloody lift.

The worst thing is, I still fall for the old bastard's blatant lies. The one thing I never believed was the atrocious untruth that my Dad's cousin helped to develop both the computer hard drive and cold fusion - but it turns out that he actually did.
( heckzecutive is probably fail, Sat 19 Apr 2008, 1:41, 2 replies)

The one about the dog and cat are cute!

but of course the Armani suits and Duran Duran one is 100% true.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sat 19 Apr 2008, 2:48, closed)

Asquith!
I'm nicking that one for my kids. Except I'm going to call him Bootsy.
(Cryptoprocta has abandoned the username of Voodoo Mary, Sat 19 Apr 2008, 17:29, closed)