To a bitch
I have a friend of a friend who seems to go out of her way to be mean to and make fun of me, which I usualy bare with a dignified chuckle and half hearted barb back. Im far to nice to be mean you see. Despite her constant attempts to humiliate me, I am ever the gentleman, making sure she gets home ok when drunk, helping her get down icy paths in silly shoes and outher general gentlemanly acts.

A man however, has a limit. I was at a friends house to celebrate mine and anouther guys joint birthday, and she popped in to wish him (but not me) a happy birthday. She was heading into town later, so leaving her car at the house over night. After a couple of hours attempting to belittle me she headed off, soon followed by the majority of guests leaving just a small number of us behind. I live next door to the guy, and pooped round to pick up the rest of my booze. As I stumbled back with half a creat of bud (the only beer in the house sadly) I walked past the bitches car, wishing I could get revenge some how. I went to hurry on as I suddenly needed a piss.

Queue shifty eyes and sinister music. I pooled the beers down slightly uphill and unzipped. As I emptied my bladder of a truly king sized piss I made sure to aim at the driver side handle, drenching it in low quality beer piss. I smile everytime I remember.
(Mong goose, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 18:47, 11 replies)

Pooped round? XD
( Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 20:03, closed)

I think he's a fan
...of extra vowels.

anouther, outher, pooped.

Now, I'm not a fan of Americanism, but that's taking things tooo far.
(dchurch bah, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 22:11, closed)

Dyslexic and typing on an iPhone, thank the lord this isnt being published or going out in any professional sense or I may have to bother to change it.
(Mong goose, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 23:31, closed)

I like the idea of pooping round. Long poos are so passe. Does it take much training to scuplt them into spheres using just your bunghole?
( Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:37, closed)

Pissed on her car - something she'll probably never even know you did. Wow, you're brilliant.
( The Helpful Bear, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 22:13, closed)

Thank you for your input. To know that I have not yet earned the respect of a stranger on the internet will force me to push my self daily to perform actions which may make a better anecdote for use on the Internet in years to come. Or I might just play more video games and masterbate.
(Mong goose, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 23:34, closed)

Pissing on the handle's OK...
but putting shit under it would have been much better.
( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 8:20, closed)

If only you'd been there at the time
(Mong goose, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 8:51, closed)

She obviously fancies you.
The next time she rips the piss, just tell her she obviously wants to get into you pants and should just stop fucking about and ask you out already.
( argyleblanket The man on the roof works for me, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 11:09, closed)

^^This
with less snide pissing
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 12:35, closed)

Plausible
but she could also be one of those people that have very low self esteem and get a nice snuggly, cosy feling inside by making other people feel shit. But I would use the above technique, you will either get laid or she will probably stop....Either way, you win! Unless of course she is as ruff as bung holes.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:34, closed)