Hungover pea roast as my brain can't work out something new to type
Working in a pub you meet lots of nice people, unfortunately you also have to suffer more than your fair share of cockends.

Now, I have a large number of footy style knobbers who drink in my establishment and one week a particularly loud, mono-brain celled chap fucked me off and I vowed to get him back. The next week he struts in, not bothering to appologise for last weeks penistry and orders a bottle of Becks, and so it starts. I take an ice cold bottle out of the fridge, open it and plonk it in front of him.

Now he proceeds to drink another 8 odd bottles, getting louder and more obnoxious with each one.

Once again he's getting on my nerves. His loud and grating voice letting everyone in the postcode know his small and worthless opinion on every subject. So, I go over to tell him to wind his neck in and stop being so obnoxious.

"Well, you shouldn't have served me so much beer," he tells me. To which, with a big shit eating grin, I can only reply by picking up one of his empty bottles off the table and pointing at it. "It's no alcohol Becks, you idiot. That's all I've been serving you today".

His mates start pissing themselves and taking the piss out of their "friend", who it transpires has managed to get "drunk" of 9 bottles of 0.05% lager. To make matters even better, he ran out of money, couldn't afford to buy another drink, his mates wouldn't buy him one and he got the appropriate response from me when he asked for a tab.

Yes, sometimes I like the power I have in my job.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 9:40, 7 replies)

'Penistry', heh!
I saw a TV drama where someone was hypnotised into acting drunk on soft drinks, seemed plausible, but your story seems much more far-fetched!

However, as the bloke you served didn't need drink to increase his nobbery, just an audience, I believe you.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 10:56, closed)

its true you can get drunk without out drinking alcohol its mind over matter if you think you have been drinking loads you start to act drunk and fully believe you are drunk
(JackLaidlaw, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:08, closed)

Soooo...
...you believe in hypnotism but not this story?
(hairybuddha, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 17:00, closed)

Hypnotism is science
The Placebo Effect is just a silly name for a film.
(bblgoose, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 12:51, closed)

I do remember a story about the placebo effect and alchol
Where in countries where the price of booze was astronomical people would get "drunk" on quantities that they shouldn't be
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 13:57, closed)

Obnoxious twat is obnoxious twat
with or without the drink
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Sun 6 Feb 2011, 9:21, closed)

^most of these above^
and baring in mind that 9 standard on-sales bottles of beck's is only 4.3pints i believe you.
i've met many a wanker like that.
credit to you, but not to him (as you pointed out).
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 7 Feb 2011, 19:24, closed)