The Entertainer
Having no office party, a bunch of us (about 50) IT freelance geeks decided to organise our own Christmas party. We booked a nice hotel, and also booked an entertainer who was recommended to us by a different venue (the local footie stadium, who we didn't go with in the end because they didn't do decent beer). He claimed to do both comedy and music. I suppose being recommended by people who deal with football fans should have set alarm bells ringing, but they didn't.

He opened with a routine where he was dressed as an ostrich rider. One of his first gags was "What do you call an Irish lesbian? Gaelic". It got worse from there. He even *looked* a bit like Bernard Manning. Most of the party suddenly took up smoking and moved outside. Those who stayed inside retreated to the bar at the opposite end of the room, leaving him playing to no-one within 50 yards.

After the comedy he did his music - karaoke style stuff. By this time, of course, no-one wanted to go near him. Everyone just huddled by the bar and drank.

Fair play: he did his entire 3 hour set. Stood alone, bravely performing, being a professional, he at least got everyone's respect if not their laughs. It was an absolutely superhuman effort. At the end after everyone had left and I was helping to clear up, he came to me almost in tears. I assured him no-one would post online the many photos/videos they'd taken of him dying, and summoning my best silver-lining mode assured him that he'd made the evening "very memorable" for everyone.

Poor, poor guy.
(WrittenBittern, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 21:12, 5 replies)

Reminds me a Christmas party we had.
400 people descend on the Hilton in Gateshead to be wined and dined on the company. Company had also booked a band to play afterwards. 'Band' comes on stage to a raucous backing track and proceeds to mime, very badly, whilst going through several dance routines. Room empties very quickly as everyone fucks off to the pub.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 24 Aug 2013, 13:04, closed)

You hired piston_broke?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 24 Aug 2013, 18:14, closed)

A three hour set?
Are you sure? I mean, I'm not doubting the general drift of the story, but I've been doing this shit for twenty years, often to the same reaction that guy got, but I've never heard of anyone doing a three hour gig on their own.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 25 Aug 2013, 0:45, closed)

Plenty of professional stand-ups can do three hour sets.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 25 Aug 2013, 8:33, closed)

Disco
Now you mention it, he might have put a shuffle playlist on for the last 30 minutes or so, and just hidden.
(WrittenBittern, Tue 27 Aug 2013, 13:46, closed)