Dear People On The Internet Who Capitalise Every Word
Why The Fuck Do You Do It? I'm Doing It Now And It's A Bloody Nuisance. Please Just Stop Before I Have To Do Something Cliched To You (Like A Good Old Cunting In The Fuck).

Signed,

ESP

EDIT: My little fingers now hurt from all the excess shifting, and I honestly don't understand why people do it... Anyone who could shed some light onto this matter will be rewarded by someone being nice to you on the internet. Without the ulterior motive of trying to see you naked.
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 16:16, 11 replies)

OH CHEER UP
IT COULD BE WORSE
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 16:46, closed)

I think it's because
a great many internet users are semi-literate and, to be blunt, dim-witted.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:37, closed)

It Pisses Me Off Too Mate.
(TexasPete enjoyed being sexually molested by your Father on, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 18:24, closed)

When my mum uses cursive she doesn't join the first letter to the rest of the word
maybe it's a representation of that, but in type form.
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Mon 8 Mar 2010, 19:14, closed)

They're impersonating William Shatner.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 19:14, closed)

Or. Andy. Parsons.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 23:35, closed)

GRONKPAN IS ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE.
HE DUG IT LAST THURSDAY.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 19:47, closed)

Sir,
(or Madam), the Reason is plain to Anyone; to wit, they are Refugees from the 17th Century.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 21:09, closed)

It may have to do with
In German and a few other languages one always capitalises the first letter of nouns and names. Also when writing a letter one capitalizes the equivalent of "you" when directly addressing the reader . You may have heard that some languages have a distinction for male, female and neutral objects ("der, die, das") as well whereas english only has a one size fits all "the".
(unicornflakes, Tue 9 Mar 2010, 9:34, closed)

I rather doubt that the majority of the semi-literate
could even guess at the basics of German grammar, let alone feel affected enough by it to type after that style. Perhaps, after all, they are just ass-hats.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 9 Mar 2010, 10:43, closed)

My thanks for your thoughts, Elders of the Internet
Basically the general consensus on why it happens is that people on the internet are stupid? I still don't understand why this most aggravating of memes began in the first place. I understand why text speak has arisen, it's a convenience (and removes the need to learn correct spelling or grammar). This linguistic anomaly actually increases the effort needed to type any given missive.

The first plausible response gets a cookie.
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Tue 9 Mar 2010, 11:41, closed)