Childhood lies
I've spent the last few days racking my brains to think of any good lies or liars I knew...

Nothing.

Then this evening I was reminded of my childhood lies.....I was very young....


I love cheese and one day around about when I was 3 or 4 my mother opened the fridge and found the cheddar had a large chunk taken from it - complete with little chickenlady teethmarks.

"Chickenlady" says my mum [Well, actually that's a lie, she has never called me Chickenlady...but for the purposes of qotw, let's suspend reality shall we?]
"Have you been eating the cheese?"

"No!" says I, "The doggy did it"

At which our poor dog whimpered and retreated to the corner in disgrace. I was never told off for eating the cheese - my mother was too impressed at my skills as a liar...either that or the dog's skills at opening the fridge door, removing the Tupperware box in which the cheese was kept, taking a bite out, replacing the cheese, the lid, and the box, then closing the fridge door. Amazing dog!

The skills of that dog didn't end there though...oh no!

I had a very bad habit of putting off going for a pee while engrossed in watching snails or ants track across the garden. So many times I would end up wetting myself (this wasn't recently...I'm still referring to when I was very young).

So to avoid having to wear (now) wet tiddly (I love that word!) knickers, I would take them off and bury them.

When I finally went inside for my nightly bath (that was very necessary otherwise I was smelly, having peed myself) my mother would say...

"Chickenlady" [erm...see above]
"Where are your knickers?"
To which I would always reply, "The doggy took them"

Yes, that amazing cheese eating dog had somehow removed my knickers, dug a hole in the garden and buried them.

Nowadays I can't rely on these lies because sadly the dog died.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 0:00, 5 replies)

get
another dog :D
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 0:33, closed)

Bad Doggy?
Was The dog put down for wating cheese and taking your knickers?
(three inches of snarling death, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 9:53, closed)

Sadly
the dog died of old age and the burden of guilt.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 9:57, closed)

Plus
I guess his memory is sullied for being a dastardly canine knicker thief.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 4 Dec 2007, 13:08, closed)

..
This is why I always wanted a dog - you can't blame a hamster for stuff like that. Damn my mother's allergies!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 4 Dec 2007, 14:42, closed)