Bullshit Jason
yeah, that's his real name but what the fuck. There's loads of people called Jason and I don't really care if he's reading this. Fancied himself as a hardcore death metal dude, which is a bit of a hard act to pull off when you still live with your mum in a Leeds council house.

BJ claim:
Don't tell anyone, but I've got a deal going with a bloke to sell used parts from Tornado aircraft engines. Fell of the back of a lorry, ya know? They're about 50% solid gold - we'll make a killing!

Me: Well you do remember me telling you I was in the air force 2 years ago, right? And I used to work on Tornado engines? Any you really think you're getting hold of some parts and they're made of gold? Bullshitting bastard!

BJ: Um....I've got ta call this bloke....he must be trying to rip me off!

BJ claim:
Yeah, I'm a 3rd dan karate black belt. I've been training with nunchacks for the last year.

BJ's Nunchak performance:
Had a party at a mate's house. He actually could use nunchaks, but didn't make a big deal of it. As a little show-off piece he whipped out a set of rubber training nunchaks and showed off some funky moves for the drunken revellers.

"Hey BJ! You're a 3rd dan black belt with those things! Go on, show us some stuff!"

BJ: Erm....well, I'm a bit out of practice...and.....like....I'm a bit drunk right now

*staggers a bit for emphasis*

"nah - come on, mate. Show us some moves!"

BJ grudgingly takes the nunchaks....looking a bit nervous. Looks around the room at a dozen Leeds pissheads all watching him.

*Takes up an exaggerated karate stance*

BJ twirls the nunchaks around a couple of times...

*sniggering from our corner*. This should be fun!

BJ tries to swing them around his neck like he's seen in kung fu films, but cracks himself on the side of the head with them instead. Hard.

*derisive laughter all round*

But BJ, the pro bullshitter looks for an "out" regardless:

*stares at the nunchaks intently*

"oh fuck! Why didn't you tell me about the weight of these things? They're weighted all wrong! I can't use these.....you got anything heavier?"

*more derisive laughter*

BJ claim:
"Hey - lemme see your bank card. Yeah...wonder if I can still do this? I know this math formula to work out your PIN number from your Visa number"

*This should be fun*

ME: "go on, then!"

BJ: Pulls out a pen and paper and scribbles some maths for a few minutes...

"your PIN number is 3942!"

Me: not even fucking close! I picked my own PIN number you sad muppet - it's got fuck-all to do with your visa number!

BJ: Hmm.....that used to work....dunno what they use now!

Havn't heard from BJ in ages. I assume he's still a death metal ninja warrior who deals in scrap gold from jet engines while living with him mum
(evilbert has his nob out under the desk., Tue 4 Dec 2007, 23:36, Reply)