I went to school with a guy called Raymond.
A sweet guy, he was smart as whip - he could calculate stuff in his head that most of us couldn't make heads or tails of even with workings and a calculator.

Raymond wasn't exactly beaten by the ugly stick. Until puberty came along. Many of us were afflicted by an odd pimple - Raymond managed to score cystic acne. But there was 1 zit that took the cake.
Raymond started growing this thing on the side of his neck. It quickly grew from pustulent volcano into almost a boil. Eventually it grew a head. Literally.
The white head then grew features and eventually one day it spoke.

Now Raymond as I have said was a fairly mild mannered fellow - never mind "Boo" to a goose, he wouldn't whisper "Surprise!" to a goat.
His zit however turned out to be incredibly noisy, obnoxious and intolerant. It would shout abuse at anyone and everyone that it perceived was in any way even slightly different to itself and Raymond.

One day we were sitting in class copping a barrage of this bigoted shit when our headmaster, Mr. Goldberg-Shastri poked his turbaned head into our class, surveyed us all with narrow, slitted eyes and asked "Who was that shouting out such hateful bile?".
As a group we turned and pointed at the zit. "And who is he?" the headmaster asked.
As a group in unison we said - "Sorry Sir, He's Ray's Cyst."
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 23 Feb 2013, 23:59, 2 replies)

And to think I wasted 20 seconds reading that
(Bob the Builder killed Captain Alex, Sun 24 Feb 2013, 5:12, closed)

Speed reading
innit?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 24 Feb 2013, 6:02, closed)