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This is a question LOL Bigots

Freddie Woo says: "A bloke who lived next door to my mum told me on the day Diana died that it was 'God's punishment for sleeping with an Arab'". Tell us stories of bigots, racists, sexists, homophobes and loud-mouths so that we may point and laugh

(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 20:03)
Pages: Popular, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

This question is now closed.

In my last job, I worked as part of a diverse team, nearly all of whom apparently listed among their hobbies "failing to get on with my diverse team". One day, I was working in a small office with the following (names have been changed to protect the idiots):

Beryl - a 60-something year old woman, very forthright in her own views, intolerant of everyone else's, easily offended, all "hidden" behind a paper-thin veneer of friendliness. Definitely fits the definition of 'bigot', but would be horrified if you called her on it.
Nareeta - a 20-something Indian girl, quite funny, a bit touchy, but who I got on well with for the most part. Not very good at biting her tongue. Just as much a bigot as Beryl, really.
Lenny - a 50-something chap, friendly, funny and sometimes a little shy.
Me - no biography necessary.

There we were, all working away, with a little bit of chat between Nareeta & I. The conversation turned to Christmas and I asked Nareeta if she celebrated it.
"Yeah, most of them do" chipped in Beryl. Hmmm, this could be tricky. I saw Nareeta freeze to my right, and heard Lenny inhale behind me.
What seemed like an eternity passed. Finally, Nareeta broke the silence.
"What do you mean, 'most of them do'?" she enquired, frostily.
Without looking up, Beryl replied "Well, most people of ethnic origin that I've worked with".
Lenny and I remained frozen, wondering which way this was going to go. Nareeta resumed working; Beryl continued working. Slightly (but not completely) relieved, I turned my attention back to my computer.
After another few minutes of an atmosphere so palpable I could barely breathe, Nareeta threw her pen down and turned to Beryl.
"No, I'm sorry" she said "I still can't get my head round what you meant by what you just said”
Beryl spluttered, stammered, managed to get out “Oh, I don’t know!” and left the room hurriedly.
Honestly, you’ve never felt an atmosphere like this. Nareeta turned back to her computer screen & I pretended to do the same, but something had to be done to relieve the tension. I clapped my hands together and stood up.
“Right, I think I’m going to go and masturbate!” I proclaimed loudly
“Yeah” piped up Lenny “I’ll join you!”
I can’t actually remember what happened after that. I don’t think we did masturbate; I’m pretty sure that would have stuck in my mind.

Beryl did get suspended though, while Nareeta’s complaint was investigated. Once it was all over and Beryl was allowed back to work, she went off sick with stress and depression, prompting Nareeta to proclaim in the office one Monday morning “I saw Beryl at the weekend. She didn’t look very depressed, she was even smiling!”.

Nightmare place, I’m so glad I’m out of it…
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 15:22, 15 replies)
Is having a go at someone because of their religious beliefs OK these days?

(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 14:57, 23 replies)

(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 14:51, 15 replies)
I worked with a guy who uttered to phrase
I aint got no problem with homos as long as they don't touch up my kids.

Mind you last time I told this tale on QOTW a couple of homos accused me of white knighting which makes no sense at all.
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 14:44, Reply)
I've got no problem with heterosexuals per se
I just don't want them acting straight around me.
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 13:57, 6 replies)
The best way to start the day
After a long night out in Frankfurt, four of us drunkenly found our way into a two person's hotel room to stay the night. Of course, we offered the beds to the two ladies in our group, and I just crashed on the floor in front of the window. Much as I would like to consider myself a gentleman, but the reality is, that it just seemed highly unlikely the girl I quite fancied would have let me share a bed.

Maybe it was the thought of lying just a metre away from my dream woman, but in any case I did not get any sleep that night. And as slowly the world around the hotel would awake on a beautiful Sunday morning, inside everything remained fast asleep. Or so I thought, when suddenly I heard a noise from the bed next to me. The leg hanging out from under the duvet stirred, and I noticed her sitting up in bed. I heard the rustle of silk on her soft skin, when she slipped into her beautiful hand made dressing gown that she had bought on a trip to Bali. Next I heard her footsteps coming closer. She stood over me, and though the room was dark, I was sure she was looking at me. I didn't know what to say. The other two people in the room were still fast asleep.

Suddenly she pulls open the window and screams outside “Oy, Ching Chong China man. Stop those strange Kung Fu noises. Don't you know that hereabouts, people want to sleep on a Sunday morning?” With a resounding thud, the window was shut again, and little blond princess slipped out of her pink Chinese silk gown and back under the blankets again to sleep with an eerily righteous expression on her face, while two Chinese people outside simply continued their conversation as before.
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 13:41, 4 replies)
has anyone else noticed...
how desperately hard young asian men try to be black?

or at least a stereotypical ideal of 'black cool'

wearing bling, cruising around in tarted up lowered beemers playing drum and bass
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 12:35, 30 replies)
how do you know if someone is a vegan?
don't worry. they'll fucking tell you.
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 12:11, 22 replies)
I was in the supermarket a couple of years ago.....
perusing the fruit to make my selection. There was a sweet little old lady next to me who suddenly said "The bananas are smelly today" to which I replied "Yes they are a little" and then she retorted "It's because of those darkies that pack them you know" - Bless her !
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 12:07, 5 replies)
My eldest son Dan is a shy lad...
...very smart and studious and might be considered by some to be "a nerd". But he's a nice boy - friendly and wouldn't hurt a fly. Being as my daughter (the youngest) is exhibiting some exceptional diva-like qualities, I feel I can be objective enough about my kids faults and Dan's main fault is that he (like many young lads) is a grubby little soap dodger! It's hereditary unfortunately, as his dad is a bit grotty sometimes as well.

He'll be 11 in the summer and I have seem to have finally impressed upon him the importance of showering everyday and keeping himself clean - if only so that he doesn't end up being labelled as "the smelly kid" when he heads off to Secondary School in September. This has meant however, that we are all constantly coughing and spluttering in a haze of lynx each morning, but it's still a lot better than the foul stench of B.O. we can come to expect as puberty rapidly descends on us.

Anyway, I digress...

A couple of years ago, Dan was having a bit of trouble with one of the lads in his class. Darryl (and yes, that is the little sod's real name), had taken to calling my son "Dirty Daniel", after picking up on my son's (admittedly disgusting) habit of chewing his fingernails/clothes/etc. He kept on at him for some time and my son - not being especially streetwise - wasn't sure how to respond. Until one day, Dan caught his tormentor "digging for treasure" inside one of his nostrils. Almost with glee, my socially awkward young man shouted out "Haha - Dirty Darryl!" at the boy, who wasn't best pleased at receiving his own medicine, as he then promptly went and told the class teacher that Daniel was hurling racist insults at him (I should probably mention here that Darryl is black) and that my son was calling his skin colour "dirty".

*Bearing in mind, these lads were 8 at the time and already one of them knows how to pull "The Race Card".

Anyway, all hell breaks loose: Daniel is hauled in front of the headteacher and I receive a stern phone-call demanding that I come to speak to them that afternoon URGENTLY. Upon arrival at the school, I walk into the headmistress's office where I also see the S.E.N co-ordinator (for anyone without sprogs, the abbreviated letters stand for "Special Educational Needs) and my tearful, bewildered looking son.

After being given a run-down of the situation, I tell the school of Daniel having told me of this young lad calling him the exact same name for several weeks/months previously and that it was almost certainly my son's way of retaliating rather than any kind of racist remark. My son is not a racist at all and in fact this incident was probably the first time he had been made aware of what racism actually is. I also told them that the other kid in question seemed to think it was fine to snape at my son, but obviously didn't like having it done back and perhaps in fact Darryl was the racist after all? The school weren't having any of it though. The S.E.N actually said to me "how can you be sure that your son isn't racist?" and "well if you think that Daniel said this innocently, then maybe you should get him tested for potential autism, as this is the kind of thing that 'THEIR SORT' come out with". I was both gob-smacked and horrified - this is a woman who has to work with 'THEIR SORT' every single day and appeared to have nothing but contempt for them! It was becoming clear who the real bigots were...

When they tried waving something in my face for me to sign and making mention that my son would forever have this incident on file, I point blank refused and told them I wanted to reschedule this meeting again for Monday morning before school (this was a Friday afternoon) to try and resolve it after letting things cool down over the weekend. They agreed and off we stormed. My poor lad was a bit shaken up (he's rarely in trouble) and it was clear to see from a thousand paces that he didn't have a clue what was going on.

Monday morning came around and we trundled off up the school, nervous, but with an extra person in tow - my husband Chris, who had taken the morning off work to give us some moral support. See, what I have failed to mention until now, is that Chris is a big, 6ft1" black man with a pretty hard stare. He's as soft as shit really, but could easily moonlight as a bouncer. He also happens to have been my son's stepfather since Daniel was less than a year old and has since provided him with a beautiful, brown-skinned little sister. So clearly my son was learning all this racist terminology at home! NOT.

The head and the S.E.N. teacher's jaws just DROP when we walk into the room! Chris puts his iphone onto the table and informs them that he will be recording our conversation today. They look very uncomfortable, but don't say anything. Chris continues "so, what did you want us to sign?" The headteacher blurts out "Oh that's really not necessary Mr ***** - we've looked into the incident further (what, over the weekend?!) and found Daniel to be innocent so you can consider the matter dropped".
Chris: "And there'll be nothing on my stepson's file labelling him as a racist, now will there?"
Headmistress: "No, no - absolutely not. the matter has been resolved. And Daniel, we are very sorry you were upset on Friday. We will be keeping a close eye on Darryl and making sure that he doesn't bother you any more."
Chris: "Good. Okay then lets go - I need to ring ma'nigger Rusty before I go back to work".

I JEST, I JEST!!! :-D Of course that last sentence never happened, but the rest is all 100% true. And funnily enough, Dan's not had any trouble since then...
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 12:03, 10 replies)
Now I'm not saying that those of us who don't eat meat are real people with our own opinions or owt
but this is well lol
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 11:58, 33 replies)
Many years ago
around the late 80's my parents decided to quit the big smoke (London) and move to a little village on the boarder of wales in Herefordshire.
Being I sort of grew up in a multicultural city where people of all different colours and races live then to move to a village where having a different accent meant you were a novelty was a strange thing. It was one of those villages where you aunts grans sister brother was your mother and dad combined - no joke literally everyone in the village was related, and white. I got called a paki at school and I'm sort olivey white...(see what I mean)..
Anyway....my sister and I got roped in to the village panto, it was a combination of different stories all thrown together. However the villain of the panto was possibly given to the biggest biggot of the village...the night of the panto he came on stage blacked up, a hump on his back and speaking in a German accent while attempting to goose step across the stage whilst pretending to be gay.... oh how the night of the panto the villagers laughed.
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 11:32, Reply)
mac fanboyz/pc fags lol

(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 11:11, 1 reply)
Chronologically negro, darkie, brown, coloured and black have all
been PC labels for people with skin colour other than pink, or white if you're PC.
Many of the old people accused of bigotry are not bigots. They just can't be arsed to keep up.
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 10:58, 7 replies)
not me but an old colleague...
his mum has the twin evils of not only being racist but also terribly posh. (think deaf old bat from Faulty Towers)

On a trip to B&Q she marched purposefully up to a young lad (mixed race natch) and rattily barked her demand...

"young man. tell me where will i find a tin of nigger brown paint."
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 10:38, 7 replies)
as much as i fully appreciate that it IS...
i don't quite understand WHY Paki has become a slur.

I am Scottish - therefore I am a Scot. It's simply an abbreviation...

as opposed to "skirt wearing, sheep shagging, haggis hunting drunken cunt"

Which of course are heartfelt terms of endearment.

(curiously Scotland is the only place I have heard 'he's a good cunt' as a genuine compliment).
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 10:21, 30 replies)
On discussing one of the latest scandals last summer, my mother said
"Oh you're in London, you wouldn't understand - it's all queers and blacks up there."
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 9:11, 1 reply)
Land rights for Gay Whales.
(, Mon 25 Feb 2013, 23:01, 8 replies)
As a black, one legged, muslim, transexual lesbian
My main ambition in life is to become Pope.

What are my chances do you think?
(, Mon 25 Feb 2013, 22:50, 4 replies)
I'm Catholic, black, gay, Jewish, HIV+, Scottish and a woman.

(, Mon 25 Feb 2013, 22:12, 14 replies)
I don't object to homosexuality I just don't want to see it about my bins.

(, Mon 25 Feb 2013, 22:07, 7 replies)
This one is a
roasted pea from the racist Grandparents topic.
This week seems to be going a bit better (let's hope I haven't spoken too soon).
(, Mon 25 Feb 2013, 21:18, Reply)
I'm currently in the Middle East
in one of the Gulf Coast Countries (GCC). The country is so oil rich that the actual local population is about 12% of the total. Everyone else is a guest worker, from the guys doing road work to the grocery store clerks to the university professors.

As a white guy with light hair and light eyes, I find people to be curiously deferential to me as I'm in a small minority of the population, most of said minority being highly educated/trained individuals in upper level jobs.

I'm not in an upper level job yet, though I've been getting inquiries from engineering recruiters and such, and have been going into the industrial section of town for tools and supplies for my hobbies or for repairing the car or house. I'm looked on with curiosity there, and fairly warmly received by the Indians, Pakistanis and Bangladeshi there when I speak courteously to them and thank them.

I remarked on their reactions of surprise and warmth to another American and he chuckled. "They're not used to white people being nice to them. They assume you're English."

I'm still not quite sure what to make of that.
(, Mon 25 Feb 2013, 19:45, 4 replies)
My dad has always been a bit racist, and it's a source of much embarassment to me
The other day we were in the local shopping mall, and like normal it was jam packed with wogs and chinks and spear-chuckers fresh off the boat. These yellow bastards you could have blindfolded with dental floss were in front of us in the queue to the till, with all their "Ching chong ching" babbling, and this huge fat jungle bunny was behind us with her monkey kids running around off the leash, and when one of her picaninny brats tried to push in front of us my dad turned to it and said, "You kids behave, now"
You kids - the racist!
(, Mon 25 Feb 2013, 18:06, 2 replies)
An unusual reversal...
As previously told, I work for McDonalds on the South Coast. At the time, I had about 8 colleagues of Bangladeshi origin. It was a hot summer working and school day so we decided to play cricket during some down time. Queue about a dozen of us - with me the only english guy - walking through town on the way to the beach each innocently weilding cricket bats and stumps etc. A passing police patrol stopped us - or rather me - and told the rest to leave. They then spent about 20 minutes asking me where I was going, why I was holding a cricket bat, searching and taking details and the like.

Seriously, what is the world coming to when if you're not asian, you cant carry a cricket bat?
(, Mon 25 Feb 2013, 17:53, 1 reply)
My parents are in their eighties...
Hence they are by nature racists.

A typical line from my mother (whose best friend at work was Bangladeshi) goes like this.

"He wasn't a Paki doctor, he was a normal one" or the damning with faint praise, "She was a Paki but she was very nice"

They mean no harm in what they say but it's the vocabularly of their age group.
(, Mon 25 Feb 2013, 17:23, 7 replies)
Discrimination against and/or subjugation of different races, colours and creeds never got anyone anywhere
Unless you're trying to build a couple of fairly epic tombs and accompanying massive Sphinx thing, put together an army capable of conquering the majority of the known world, establish your country as an economic superpower in the age of mercantilism, unite a knackered country behind a common (if rather unkind) cause, find an excuse to invade some oil-rich country or another, or forge a career in comedy despite a lack of discernable talent.

Hmm. Now that I come to think of it, those Chinese have had it too easy. And I fancy a summerhouse building.
(, Mon 25 Feb 2013, 17:20, 4 replies)
I don't know if the Misery Unathletic team really have the brains to qualify as true bigots
but this is easily my favourite LOL of the week so I'm going to post it anyway.


Screw you, honky.
(, Mon 25 Feb 2013, 17:16, 6 replies)
Racist parents
A number of years ago, Craig David was on telly at Christmas time. In front of a packed living room (well, 6 or 7 people) he said "what's this bloke's name? Whispering Coon?"
Whilst that was clearly meant to amuse, my Mum's getting worse by the day thanks to her unquestioning faith in the Daily Mail (because it's got a good TV section).
She was telling me about one of her retired friends and how she has to help her stroke-stricken husband. "I met her daughter the other day. She's a lezzy, but she's a lovely girl".
I told her to shut up, but she just said "but she really is lovely".
I give up with those two.
(, Mon 25 Feb 2013, 17:15, 5 replies)

This question is now closed.

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