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Freddie Woo says: "A bloke who lived next door to my mum told me on the day Diana died that it was 'God's punishment for sleeping with an Arab'". Tell us stories of bigots, racists, sexists, homophobes and loud-mouths so that we may point and laugh

(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 20:03)
Pages: Popular, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

This question is now closed.

Welcome to this weeks QOTW
This week featuring racist lulz from

(, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 1:46, Reply)

(, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 1:36, Reply)
I'm poor and black. I donated what I could afford to the fix search fund yesterday
and I didn't get any new icons. I know several white people who got their icons right away. Rachelswipe is rich and white and she claims she got her icons instantaneously. Coincidence?
(, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 0:27, 4 replies)
My first proper job
Working for an aged Chartered Accountant who was approaching retirement. This guy was a pillar of his (local, small, rural) community, a church deacon, a local organiser of charitable events.. and completely lacking self-awareness that his 1930s Buckinghamshire ways of speech didn't really fit 1990s Hertfordshire.

He wasn't a racist: Let me make that very clear.
One of his first customers was a partnership that ran an Indian restaurant: Badrul and Nasrul were their names. My boss immediately decided that was too difficult and throughout their enduring business relationships called them Bovril and Nostril.

The crowning moment came at a company social event when as a new employee I was introduced to some of the oldest customers, including one of those two brave (and tolerant!) Indian chaps

"This is Nostril, runs the {name of restaurant}. Splendid chap,. works like a nigger.."

Slightly cut off as the other partner in the practice drops her mug of tea in horror. Nasrul - bless him - after years of dealing with my boss, didnt so much as twitch.
(, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 0:07, 3 replies)
I have lived long enough to know
that each of you will eventually find that an idea you now hold to be common sense will be declared to be offensive.
My prediction: within 10 years stupid, lazy and unwise people will be demanding equality in pay.
Wait, that's now and it's the civil service.
(, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 0:05, 4 replies)
Last night, the conversation had turned to basketball,
and my wife pointed out that the majority of NBA players are black. At this, my father-in-law said,'They should put water melons on one side of the court and hub caps on the other. They wouldn't know whether to eat or steal'.

Very enlightened man my father-in-law.
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 23:38, 4 replies)
One of the most disgusting examples of corporate bigotry I've encountered.
I hesitated to post this link because I think people will find it upsetting - but its better that we all see just how narrow minded and offensive big business can be. Only in America!

(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 22:14, 5 replies)
Funnily enough (or not)
some of the most stridently anti-racist, anti-sexist, anti-homophobic people I have met have also been the most intolerant, judgemental and prejudiced.
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 22:13, 10 replies)
If you think about it, people who are 'anti-racist' are actually massively bigoted against white people.

(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 22:03, 8 replies)
Shoe polish
Mrs Catapult is American, and despite developing some Yorkshire pronunciation over the past ten years, is still very obviously American when she speaks. She had several pairs of shoes which needed a really decent polish and tidy up, and in New York the local cobbler will do that. So, she potters into town to the cobbler, and asks in her cheery american accent if the cobbler could polish three pairs of shoes. "You're not in America now love, we don't have niggers to do that". Gobsmacked she turned and left, her jaw on the floor all the way home, and for the first time ever completely speechless.
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 21:59, 2 replies)
Not me, not a friend, but (sadly) a distant sort-of relation
hooked up fairly recently with a female person of colour*, and in fairly short order, impregnated her**. His dad - an upstanding, well-spoken, pillar-of-the-community type - had a man-to-man chat with the lad and with no hint of shame whatsoever, asked if he really wanted to have a mixed-race child, or whether a termination might be the more sensible route.

I'm fairly thick-skinned and cynical, but I genuinely could not comprehend that level of nasty, small-minded fuckwittery. He'd sooner see his proto-grandchild chopped up and flushed out than see it be born with a skin tone dissimilar to his own***. The prick.

* Edited: originally read, "coloured lass". Sorry about that.
** Edited: originally read, "knocked her up". Sorry about that.
*** Edited: originally read, "a bit dusky". Sorry about that.

Original post preserved here. I hope that this clears things up.

(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 21:57, 50 replies)

Muslamic Ray Guns
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 21:53, 6 replies)
I am racist, Bert.

(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 21:51, Reply)
My Dad again
My Dad, as well as being a cuddly racist just like Basil Fawlty, Old Steptoe, Rigsby and Arkwright, was also a bit homophobic.

Once, in 1983 or something, I had the hiccups. So I said out loud, "Someone give me a shock to rid me of these vexationous hiccoughs", or words to that effect.

Dad fixed me with a solemn gaze. "Dr Who's a gay", he intoned.

I immediately thought, er, um, he's an alien, and human sexuality doesn't play a part in his personality (this was 1983 remember, not now, where the Doctor is a shag- or at least snog-happy handsome young-looking blade), but, I couldn't be bothered to explain.

The hickoffs went away by theyselves eventually.
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 21:31, 8 replies)
I was set up on a blind date last week
the chap wasn't doing himself any favours turning up drunk and smoking like a chimney, talking constantly about how he'd found Jesus etc... but the shit really hit the fan when he noticed my Gay Pride ribbon on my bag.

How did he protest? It was one loud, amazing, mind-boggling analogy:

"If we ever have kids and the brother decides to sleep with the sister when they're still, like, ten... that wouldn't be as sinful as what those f*gs are up to."

Wasn't sure if I should point out that he'd just done more to cheer on the Bible's stance on incest than denounce the Gay community, so in the end I just called him a fucking idiot and left.
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 21:25, 12 replies)
My Dad
Bless him, is of *that* generation. He's a racist old sod but it's not actively evil racism like that of the BNP, et al. Just, the way things were then, and be glad things have improved (a bit).

His finest moments:

Saying, in a restaurant, "I'm so hungry I could eat a black baby, curls and all."

My sister was, and still is, a fan of Prince (and so am I to some extent - some fantastic music). Dad always used to - and still does - refer to him as "that pervy coon". It used to wind my sister right up but she just ignores him now.

Most recently: I was in Curry's buying a new PC with him. I was at the till paying, and being served by a young Indian chap. I just KNEW something was gonna happen - you know the feeling just before a thunderstorm - it was like that. Dad was being extremely well behaved all through the transaction, until he blurted out, "Were you in Slumdog Millionaire?" (this was 2008). The chap replied, "No, Sir, but my brother was a lighting technician on that film." True or not, what a superb comeback!

My racist old Dad. He's now living in Wales and as an Englishman (Bristolian) has probably been on the end other end of it a few times by now.

I may have other examples as I think back to my childhood...

Sorry for butting in with a proper story. Resume your flailing, worms.
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 21:23, 1 reply)
A question asked by a website that founded* Sickipedia.
*and until recently owned

What a great week this will be...

Oh, no, not that, an unpleasant week. That's the one.
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 21:19, 2 replies)
Anyone that starts a tale with "I'm not racist but......"
is usually about to say something very racist indeed.
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 21:05, 2 replies)
I'm not a racist, but...
When anybody starts a conversation with that phrase, you can guarantee what follows will be a tirade of the most bigoted, ill-informed, narrow-minded vomitous spewage that could be imagined.
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 21:01, 2 replies)
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 20:56, Reply)
From Adam to Noah
All begats - in the old spelling.
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 20:48, Reply)
I always begin one of my bigoted tirades with
I know it's a stereotype but they didn't fetch those stereotypes out of thin air...,
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 20:39, Reply)
quite big
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 20:35, Reply)
The phrase "As a taxpayer..." is a good indicator that anything that's about to follow is likely to be ill-informed, hateful, and just plain wrong.
So you pay tax, do you? Well done! This doesn't automatically entitle you to fart out your worthless opinions in public though.

Be quiet, do what you're told and leave the thinking to someone who actually knows what they're talking about. HTH xxx
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 20:35, 8 replies)
I foresee parade of cunts re-cycling racists jokes.
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 20:32, Reply)

(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 20:31, Reply)
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 20:30, 3 replies)
haven't we already done this one?
It didn't end well
(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 20:15, Reply)
I tend to avoid fatties.

(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 20:11, 8 replies)

This question is now closed.

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