I used to play 5-a-side football every week
when I was living in London. One Tuesday evening I went to get in the car to drive to footie only to find my car was gone. I did the logical thing and rang the police to report it stolen. Completely p*ssed off at this turn of events I went back inside and rang a few friends to share my bad news. The first two friends garnered me with the sympathy deserving of a man who's car has been stolen. The third friend answered the phone with 'Hey fella, I was just going to ring you. Your car is still parked near mine. I walked past it on the way home a few minutes ago and it's got two parking tickets on it.'

It was then I remembered that the Friday before, I'd decided against getting a tube to the pub we were all meeting at that Friday evening and instead had just driven and parked near.

I phoned the police again to report my car unstolen.
( sneep used to date Freddie Starr's hamster, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 17:21, 1 reply)

Hahahahahahahaha!
Gets a click for "report my car unstolen"!
I drove in to town for a meeting 3 weeks ago then walked home in the pouring rain, only realising I'd "lost" the van five long seconds after I rounded the homeward corner.
"what the fuck..?
where the fuck..?
Oh, fucking bollocks!!!!
You dopey fucking twat!!!"
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 17:35, closed)