Quite a few years back I had to have my appendix out.
I spend 4 days in hospital, mercifully being moved wards half way through.
I didn't like the first ward much due to one particular old bloke in the far corner. He would shout at anyone that spoke or at any noise, even in the dead of night; "EH?! YOU TALKING TO ME? WHAT DID YOU SAY?" He wasn't deaf, just loud. He would also piss and shit the bed, at least 5 times in 2 days, no matter how much the nurses reassured him that there was a bathroom right by his bed and that all he had to do was buzz for them if he needed help. They would even ask him if he needed to go when they were passing in and out, every answer "no". Then soon after "NURSE!!!!!" He spoke to himself, wailed out in pain when there wasn't any (according to the nurses anyway) etc. Generally he made everyone else's time fairly miserable and not very restful with the shouting and the stench of bodily waste.

To get to the point, the young lass from the shop in the hospital was doing the rounds asking people if they wanted newspapers or anything from the cart. I was sat up in bed, bought a paper and was reading the first page. She nicely approached said coffin dodger and asked if he wanted a newspaper. His volumed reply "WOULDN'T DO ME MUCH GOOD MY QUINE*. I'M BLIND".

Her face dropped (not that he could see it) and she stammered an apology before running out of the door. I, on the other hand, have tore open the paper and stuck my head in it. Trying to hold in the laughter so he can't hear me and slowly sliding down the bed, unable to push myself back up and terrified I'm going to burst my stitches from the laughter which for some reason made me laugh more (giggle loop). Had to get a nurse to help me sit up again. I don't know if it was being in a shitty place and feeling sorry for myself but it cheered me up no end.

*quine = Girl.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 21:29, 15 replies)

yeah, having grown up in Aberdeenshire, I know what 'quine' means.
Patronising cunt.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 21:59, closed)

You're the minority.
Do you ever forget yourself and throw in words and get stared at like you've grown a second fucking head? I have people off of b3ta on my Facebook who marvel at the Doric text speak my friends post up.

"Aye, I went soon I road ov noo n it wiz freezin. I near slipped, I was feart! O me."

Which bit of Aberdeenshire?
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 22:03, closed)

I say things like 'for my Christmas' and 'how' instead of 'why'.
Not keen on Doric though. Speaking it makes one sound common. I did go to Robert Gordon's, you know.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 22:07, closed)

I hate hearing the accent on recordings. For example "trawlermen" on the telly box.
Honestly sounds like a Scottish Sly Stallone being raped in the mouth by a socket wrench.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 22:10, closed)

I like the posh Aberdonian accent.
And on the plus side it's far less harsh and guttural than your weegie accent etc.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 22:15, closed)

The AH-berrdeen stu-dent accent?
I hate the wedgie accent. I nearly shat when it was voted britains sexiest accent.
I just think the Doric accent makes us sound drunk the entire time.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 22:19, closed)

I usually understand it...
I used to have a Scottish bloke chasing after me. It was a crash course in your 'language'....
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 7 Dec 2012, 23:55, closed)

Fit like ur ye?
Ahh, chuffin awa, chuffin awa.
(Figmaus, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 1:01, closed)

Fit like an' foos yer doos?
ah'm fae Bucksburn originally.
( spitsticker is not working on, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 8:14, closed)

Boxie bastard
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 9 Dec 2012, 20:31, closed)

I'm further north :(

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 9 Dec 2012, 22:15, closed)

Did you die?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 10:17, closed)

Repeatedly.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 21:09, closed)

Awa ya radge.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 9 Dec 2012, 20:31, closed)

That's more Glasgae.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 9 Dec 2012, 22:16, closed)