November. It's dark. And it's late. The doorbell rings.
The bloke standing outside my front door appeared to be in an advanced state of dope-induced paranoia. Shuffling from one foot to the other. Eyes the size of saucers. A typical stoned university student, in other words. Said he'd got lost walking back from the pub and needed directions back home.

Turns out his place was way over the other side of Exeter. A brisk half-hour walk at the best of times. None of my local boozers are worth that much effort, so I guessed he must have wandered over from some other part of town altogether.

I'd just finished pointing him in the general direction of his street when a crunching sound came from under his foot. There was a genuine look of horror on his face.

"Oh no," he said, "I ju... I just trod on a snail. D..D..Do you think I'll get sent down for that?"

I toyed with the idea of telling him that killing molluscs during the hours of darkness carries a mandatory life sentence, but I was itching to get back indoors. It was cold out, and it was starting to rain. I told him he'd probably get away with it and sent him on his way.

Five minutes later the rain was really crashing down. (No, he didn't have an umbrella :-D)
( revolution now 👊, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 5:12, 4 replies)

Phylum fail
I was about to say that snails are actually gastropods rather than molluscs, but they're molluscs as well.

"Chimpanzees aren't mammals, they're primates"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:33, closed)

I’d have been all over your ass (Equidea) if you'd made that mistake.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:37, closed)

ewww, gay

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:58, closed)

Dope = ?
Because saucer eyes lead me to believe they were quite large...but if dope = weed then eyes wouldn't be that big at all
(lemonadegame, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 4:28, closed)